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The Zen of Pseudospoofing
``I don't trust anyone,'' Medusa said with some paranoia.
``do you trust me?'' I said amusedly.
``I trust only software,'' Medusa asserted.
``Who writes your software?'' I wondered.
``I do.''
``You must get lonely,'' I observed.
``I have all my snakes to keep me company,'' she grinned.
* * *
Medusa's sisters had fun with their pseudopool of seven.
``Are you pseudospoofing?'' I asked.
The sisters said in unison, ``we can assure you that all seven of us are unique.''
* * *
Yin said to Yang, `You move!'
Yang said to Yin, `No, You move!'
* * *
A psychopath asked a policeman to apologize for catching him. The
policeman refused. The psychopath called him an evil hypocrite.
* * *
``You're paranoid. There's no Medusa.''
``Am I talking to Medusa or a Snake?'' I asked.
``I'm a True Snake!'' it said.
* * *
``What if someone started a pseudospoofing game, invited you, and
didn't tell you?'' I asked Medusa.
``That depends -- Would I be in on the secret or not?'' said Medusa.
``What if they said it wasn't a game but it was?'' I inquired.
Medusa shrugged. ``So what?''
I asked her, ``Don't you believe in truth in advertising?''
``What is `Truth'?'' she asked.
* * *
Yin said, `You are Yin and I am Yin.'
Yang said, `You are Yin and I am Yin.'
Yin said, `You are Yang and I am Yin.'
Yang said, `You are Yang and I am Yin.'
Yin said, `You are Yin and I am Yang.'
Yang said, `You are Yin and I am Yang.'
Yin said, `You are Yang and I am Yang.'
Yang said, `You are Yang and I am Yang.'
* * *
What if you never woke up from a nightmare?
What if someone played a practical joke on you -- that never ended?
What if we could live forever? In Cyberspace?
* * *
Stop the world. I want to get off.
Beam me out of here Scotty, there's no intelligent life here.
* * *
The flower said, ``You can trust me.'' But as soon as I bent to smell
its beautiful fragrance, it turned into a cocked steel-jawed trap and
SNAPPED. In shock, horror, and intense pain I clutched my face. ``You
were a fool for trusting me, and I've done you a favor by betraying
you,'' it growled. ``Now you know that any Flower could be a Trap.''
Needless to say, I stopped smelling the flowers -- and planted the
seeds for a new family.
* * *
Medusa was proud of her titanium pipe. She told me, `My pipe is flawless.'
`I said, your pipe has two holes.'
Medusa said, `the holes are not part of the pipe.'
I said, `No. The pipe is not part of the holes.'
Medusa frowned and walked away.
* * *
Medusa said, `Nothing is sacred in Cyberspace.'
I said, can I quote you on that?
She said, `No. Privacy is sacred.'
* * *
I was talking to a tentacle. `Is it a lie if a tentacle lies?' The
tentacle said, `No.'
I asked Medusa, `Are you a liar'? She was silent.
* * *
I asked Medusa to talk to me. ``Only in Cyberspace,'' she said.
``Do you trust Cyberspace?'' I asked.
``No, but you should.''
I asked Medusa, `Why can Cyberspace be trusted?'
She said, `Because there is a Real World.'
* * *
Medusa's snake said, ``Why are you so paranoid?''
I said, ``I'm afraid of poisonous snakes.''
It said, ``You shouldn't be.''
* * *
I asked Medusa, ``How many snakes do you have?''
Medusa said, ``There are no snakes. There are only my sisters.''
* * *
Three Identities and the Liar were talking to each other.
``You can find me if you need to,'' said one.
``You can talk to me if you want to,'' said another.
``You can get lost,'' said a third.
``You can find me if you need to,'' said one.
* * *
``I don't trust anyone,'' said Medusa.
``who do you talk to?'' I asked.
Medusa began to cry.
* * *
Medusa liked to write under the influence of LSD. She thought that it
brought out the best in her prose. One day, she stared at her
collection in horror. It was all perversely senseless. But the mood
passed. Later, she couldn't remember if she had taken LSD or not that day.
* * *
One day I called Medusa on the phone, long distance. ``Who am I talking
to?'' I asked.
``Me,'' she said.
I wanted my money back.
* * *
I shouted to many people that Medusa was coming. They didn't listen.
Later, Medusa tricked them all into losing their life's savings.
They said it was my fault that they didn't believe me at first. ``We
couldn't hear you.''
* * *
Medusa was proud of the many books written by her Snakes. She
considered them masterpieces of art. But one day, a tiny spark lit a
fire in one. The fire raged with intensity. The whole array was reduced
to nothing but black ashes. Medusa first went insane, and then committed suicide.
* * *
I heard on the radio that we are being invaded by aliens. I didn't believe it.
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