[mccon@erim.org (Joe McConnell): Latest Headlines ]

[emv@mail.msen.com]

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HEADLINES FROM THE NATION'S NEWS
COMPILED BY DISINFORMATION SYSTEMS EDITOR, FAIRLY N. COHERENT

BATF JUMPS ON ENCRYPTION BANDWAGON

WASHINGTON: THE BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, AND FIREARMS (THE ONLY
FEDERAL AGENCY WHOSE NAME SOUNDS LIKE A SUPPLIES LIST FOR A HIGH
SCHOOL PROM) IS GETTING INTO THE ENCRYPTION MANDATE GAME WITH ITS
OWN VERSION OF A TAPPABLE-MESSAGE-MANGLER.  BATF IS PUSHING FOR
A DESIGN CALLED THE "WACO" CHIP WHICH WOULD ALLOW ATF AGENTS TO
SMASH IN THE FRONT DOOR OF YOUR SYSTEM, ERASE ALL YOUR FILES, 
REFORMAT YOUR DRIVES, AND SEND ABUSIVE EMAIL TO YOUR CAT.  THE
ADMINISTRATION'S OFFICE OF CAVING IN TO LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES
ISSUED A STATEMENT SUPPORTING THE PROGRAM.

NEW INTERNET PUBLICATIONS ON SHELVES

ANN ARBOR: THE OUTPOURING OF PUBLIC INTEREST IN CONNECTIVITY HAS,
PREDICTABLY, RESULTED IN A SPATE OF INTERNET BOOKS.  AS YOU MIGHT
EXPECT, THE FIRST CROP WERE MOSTLY INTRODUCTORY AND AIMED AT GENERAL
AUDIENCES.  NOW, HOWEVER, THE TITLES ARE BECOMING MORE NICHE-ORIENTED,
WITH THE FOLLOWING NEW VOLUMES HITTING THE STORES NOW.

THE INTERNET GUIDE FOR CATS: INCLUDES CHAPTERS ON "HOW TO SEND ONE
OF YOUR OWNERS MAIL DENYING THAT THE OTHER ONE HAS REMEMBERED TO
FEED YOU," "WALLOWING AROUND ON THE KEYBOARD: THE ULTIMATE ENCRYPTION
SYSTEM?" AND "HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET REALLY _IS_ A DOG."

EVERYTHING THE GOVERNOR OF MICHIGAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THE INTERNET: A
LANDMARK IN NICHE MARKETING -- A BOOK AIMED AT ONE INDIVIDUAL READER.
FEATURES: "GET RICH FAST!  1001 SCHEMES FOR FUNDING YOUR SCHOOL SYSTEM,"
AND "EVEN ON THE INTERNET, EVERYONE CAN TELL YOU'RE A MORON."


LOCAL FIRM OFFERS ELECTRONIC DECOR

ANN ARBOR: "SO YOU GOT THIS INFO HIGHWAY THING.  SO YOU GOT PEOPLE DRIVING
BY ON IT.  SO WHAT YOU NEED IS SOMETHING FOR 'EM TO LOOK AT."  SO SAYS THE 
PRESIDENT OF ZASTRONICS, INC., MAKERS OF ELECTRONIC LAWN ORNAMENTS.  
THE ZASTRONICS LINE FEATURES LITTLE KISSING EECS UNDERGRADS, 
BIG CONCRETE PARENT PROCESSES WITH A WHOLE STRING OF LITTLE CHILD
PROCESSES FOLLOWING THEM AROUND, AND A LINE OF COY, PLYWOOD HOME PAGE BUTTS.

"ON THE INTERNET, NO ONE CAN TELL THAT YOU'VE EATEN A TEMPEH BURGER,"
SAID AN OLD TOWN WAITPERSONAGE WHO CHARACTERIZED HIS PLACE OF 
EMPLOYMENT AS "KIND OF A SEA SHELL CITY ON THE INFO SUPERHIGHWAY."
                            -30-


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