InVisible Basic 1.0

[Blanc Weber <blancw@microsoft.com>]

<Sender composed mail containing characters not in the US-ASCII set.>
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FYI.   I am not making this up.  I can only imagine how this will =

impact society.   ~ Blanc
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Microsoft Announces InVisible Basic 1.0

Using the slogan "Not Seeing Is Believing," Microsoft Corporation today =

is announcing InVisible Basic 1.0, a completely new use of "stealth" =

technology in an object-oriented development environment.

"We're taking code transparency to new heights," enthused Product =

Manager C. R. as she began an impressive product demo. After just five =

minutes of moving a mouse around what appeared to be a blank screen, =

selecting unseen menu items, placing indiscernible controls on =

inevident forms, and typing in unapparent code, the alleged application =

was able to access an undisclosed database, perform a series of =

unspecified queries and display whatever data it supposedly encountered =

in a completely undetectable format.

The only evidence that the application existed at all was the use of =

disk space and CPU cycles. "And we're working on that for version 2.0," =

C. R. said.

"The applications are obvious," said "Jim," a developer with "General =

Enterprises," a defense-industry supplier that lists its address as a =

P.O. Box somewhere near Bakersfield, Calif. "I mean, if you were =

developing a sensitive application--not that we are currently engaged =

in any such contracts--and you wanted to ensure complete security--not =

that we currently have any clients who have any need for such =

security--this would enable you to make an application that was =

completely protected--not that I am implying that any of the clients =

that I cannot confirm or deny we might have would need this level of =

data security--from outside intrusion. It also really saves on screen =

real estate."

Developed under the code name "Provo," the product was due to ship =

concurrently with Visual Basic 3.0, but was lost when the development =

team moved to its new offices in the D Level of Building 25. "That =

ended up being a thrilling beta test," said C.R. . "I mean, if the =

development team can't find the product, then it's pretty darn =

invisible, right?"

InVisible Basic 1.0 is currently available at an undisclosed location =

for an unspecified amount. For technical support, leave an ad in the =

personals section of the Miami Herald reading, "Marjoe: all is =

forgiven. Bunny." You will receive in the mail a postcard of the =

Ballard Fish Locks. At midnight, exactly two days after receiving this =

card, be waiting at the "G" concourse of Mile High Stadium in Denver. A =

PSS representative will contact you there. The password is "blibbett."
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Clear as a bell, the InVisible Basic product development team shows off =

its enthusiasm at a recent ship party.
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Copied from MicroNews, Copyright =A9 1994 Microsoft Corporation

"Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour.  He =

will always use it in evidence against you.
-- Sir Herbert Beerhohm-Tree (1853-1917) English actor-manager