FW: NSA Takes Over Healthcare Reform

[Blanc Weber <blancw@microsoft.com>]

From: Dr. David Chaos <dchaos@delphi.com>
Newsgroups: comp.org.eff.talk
Date: Fri, 3 Jun 94 02:07:20 -0500

June 3, 1994

NSA CLIPPER CHIP FAILS, AGENCY SETS SIGHTS ON HEALTHCARE

(ups) After the discovery of a fatal design flaw in the Clipper chip's
"crime-busting" LEAF system, NSA has shifted its focus to a "more attainable
goal, healthcare reform", said an anonymous government source.  "It appears
that President Clinton's healthcare reform package will likely result in
citizens, who can afford it, leaving the country for private healthcare
provided by foreign countries.  Based on this, NSA believes they have a clear,
jurisdictional mandate to develop healthcare policy." the source 
further stated.
"With NSA's technological superiority, we should have a system in place which
will prevent medical subversion within a few months.  Even the Bahamians will
be powerless to overcome it" said the source.

Despite objections from diverse medical organizations, the President supported
NSA's position that they are the most qualified to determine healthcare policy.
He further justified the agencies assertion that the details of the policy must
remain secret to prevent medical malingerers from abusing the system.  Secret
details of the policy, obtained by confidential informants, indicated that it
would be based on the "KneeCapstone" and the "Clapjack" algorithms.

An "independant" examination by the renowned doctor and cold-fusion
investigator, Dr. Staley Ponz, was recently conducted on the KneeCapstone
and Clapjack algorithms.  "These algorithms are totally and completely
malingerer proof...I really mean it, this time, honest!" said Dr. Ponz from
an undisclosed location in South America.

Further details on the plan will be forthcoming "real soon now" said government
policy advisor, Tyrone Shoelaces.

Reprinted, with permission, by,

Dr. David Chaos