y'all gotta see True Lies

[jdblair@nextsrv.cas.muohio.EDU]

Hey y'all, check it out!  The cypherpunks better go to the movies!

I just got back from True Lies, the latest Arnie flick.  I recommend y'all
go see it.  Hollywood's managed to push the collective american button yet
another time, ladies and gentlemen.  Where's the "Dr. Strangelove" of the
90's when we need it? 

I'll make a short list:

1) Passionate Arabs driven to find there revenge through stolen Soviet
nuclear weapons. 

2) A "blanket order" to a vague, unknown government agency to wire tap
anything they feel like. 

3) Fear that, because there are no customs or controls regulating traffic
between the Florida Keys and the mainland, the terrorists will be able to
drive anywhere with their fancy nuclear weapon. 

4) After summoning the skill to purchase a nuclear weapon, smuggle it into
the United States undetected (except for the suspicions of our amazing
Arnie and his crack team), and detonate one of them in the Keys, still
unable to work a video camera with reliability (oh, those crazy wacko
arabs!  Oh the magic of Hollywood!)

5) Of course, every hacker in the audience noticed that the rich
multinational zillionaire is unable to choose encryption secure enough to
fend off an attack on minutes in length using computer equipment in a van! 
What was he using to hide his records?  Enigma? 

6) Oh yeah, the women are unable to do anything except talk on the phone,
get into catfights, give men blowjobs, and kill people by accident.  The
only female villain is clever, but the screenplay is sure to point out
that she has not principle other than the dollar (or yen, pound, mark,
etc).  This is a very male film, even without getting into that old 60's
cliche about missiles being penis extensions. 

7) Luckily, amid all the casual death in the name of national security and
the american way, we have Arnie pointing out that "he only kills bad
people."  Reminds me of the time I was at the Space and Rocket Center in
Huntsville, right after the Gulf War.  They had a patriot missile on
display, along with the wreckage of a "busted scud."  A mother pointed to
the missile, saying to her son, "Look, its the patriotic missile."  I am
not making this up. 



Y'all better get crackin', you clever cypherpunks.  We sit here and chat
about the National ID card, and argue about the best way to not pay our
taxes (should I lease my car from a front, or buy it from the Mafia?  What
if I get a speeding ticket?).  Meanwhile, the REAL MEDIA, the MOVIES, the
TV, and all the other DRUGS most of America uses to ignore their
surroundings are giving people the armor to fend off all the reason in the
world we will ever cook up. 

"You can see, as the movie 'True Lies' showed, its relatively easy for a
group of Arab terrorists to land in America and cruise up the coast with a
nuclear weapon!  Just think how easy it is for some Joe to walk on in with
a kilo taped to his belly, and feed it to your kids!  Worse, a whole
family of Mexicans could sneak in and collect YOUR welfare check!
(pregnant mother giving birth the moment she steps on American soil!" 

Choose whatever villain you wish for the delivery.  The lefties can
imagine Ronnie Boy calming us with his liquid voice.  Those of other
persuasions can choose Billary Klinton, promising us health and benefits. 
Maybe I'll imagine that guy my parents told me about... I think his name
was Mixon or something like that. 

I doubt it'll matter who's holding the wheel. I think the car's driving 
itself.

If anyone has a good monkeywrench, send it my way.

-john.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Blair: <jdblair@nextsrv.cas.muohio.edu>         voice: (513) 529-2961
http://phoenix.aps.muohio.edu/users/jdblair/home.html            KILL YOUR
Finger me for PGP key.                                          TELEVISION
 Too much proximity to folly tends to make it seem normal. --Edward Abbey