HUMOR:...and we thought _PRZ_ had troubles!

[ddt@lsd.com (Dave Del Torto)]

My apologies for this non-crypto posting, but I just _couldn't_ resist
sharing. Ironically (incredulously?), paranoia does nothing to improve
one's grasp of adjectives and adverbs... Anyway, please, please restrict
your replies (if any) to private email amongst yourselves and don't follow
my poor example and post anything more about it to the list.

BTW..."Half" street?!

    dave
____________________________________
 "Fascinating, Captain." -Mr. Spock

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Newsgroups: alt.alien.visitors
Subject: Truth or Paranoia?
From: doctor.doom@citylink.uu.holonet.net
Date: Fri, 6 Jan 95 21:56:00 EST
I found the following disturbing post on a BBS in the Washington DC area:

Msg #  48 of  83                 Date: Fri 12-03-93,  6:29 pm
From: UNIT                       Read: 7 times  [1 Reply]

Forwarded From: 1900 Half Street, SW
Subject: important

The story I am about to relate may seem incredulous in many ways even
thought it is true and I solemly attest that it is true despite the fact
that it seems incredulous in many ways there is verifiable evidence and i
urge you to verify the evidence on your own if you should find this
incredulous which is the natural response.   I am a victim of government
sponsored terrorism and racism sponsored by the us government and big
corporations which actually work HAND IN HAND with the us government towards
these ends.  This of course includes the liberal media although some cells
of independence remain and not all individual journalists are accessories to
the conspiracy.  Suffice it to say that democracy does not in any way exist
in the United States of AmeriKKKa.   The government has been out to get me
ever since I was born in 1966 as a result of a specific genetic coding
abnormality which makes me unique among the 99.9999 th percentile of the
American population and makes people like me marked for harrassment.  The
abnormality may have been spawned by mass CIA mind control tests conducted
in 1961, which affected certain birth patterns. They actually have
attempted to cause me to try to kill myself on several occasions and have
attempted to drive me crazy by chemical and psychological means including
retroactive radio control from the future (any scientist will tell you that
radio waves which move faster than light speed are capable of moving
backwards in time and thus controlling the past). The constant chemical
assaults on my well being mean I cannot leave my apartment except in dire
circumstances and then I must breathe through a gas mask.  Not only that
but people are strategically placed at all places I interact with people
out of necessity (I cannot avoid such encounters entirely) to make me self
aware and paranoid.  These efforts are futile and I continue to defy the
Amerikkkan government.   On June 11 1986 they deliberately influenced me by
radio to be present at the intersection of Sherman Avenue and Harvard
Street NW at precisely 1:42 am and I had to cross seven blocks of territory
that had been sealed by the police.   This is documented.  I witnessed
seven police forces engaged in a shootout that lasted three hours.   THe
police forces were shooting at EACH OTHER and I counted at least thirty
verifiable casualties.  Although this has never made the newspapers due to
the government/corporate conspiracy the information is readily obtainable
but must be sought through FOIA requests at the FBI.   The files are
disguised as traffic fatalities and the true cause of death is not noted.
Also documentable is my genetic trait which Johns Hopkins in Baltimore will
provide upon demand.   I am considered a threat to the CIA because of my
superior evolutionary status and my radical thoughts.   In 1971 the United
States abandoned the Bretton Woods system of fixed exchange rates and
secretly implemented a dual currency system along with ruling elites from
other major countries including the USSR and Red China. I know this because
agents have tried to buy me off with this currency which exists solely in
the form of informational transactions and has no physical manifestations
yet makes a mockery of the valueless Dollar.   I am a man of integrity and
I refused to participate in this plot.   Needless to say the federal
deficit is measured in dollars and is therefore nonexistent and irrelevant.
 The secret currency system is solvent. In 1987 the Wall Street Journal
documented the cataclysmic stock market crash but made no mention of the
real underlying factors behind it, which again represented a government
conspiracy.  After I wrote to the Wall Street Journal to point this out,
attempts to kill me trebled.   There are also listening devices implanted
everywhere to monitor my actions and junk mail sorted with DMSO and curare
arrives daily.  I remove the mail with tweezers and leave it on the counter
for the mailman as unreturnable.  He wears gloves of course. The only
reason I am still alive is because I persist in making my case public at
every opportunity, which means the government does not directly try to kill
me but relies on third-party means which I have so far avoided. A rental
car I obtained in Sausalito in 1989 was irradiated with depleted uranium
which increased the total mass of the car by 33% d would have caused me to
go over a cliff were it not for the normal precaution I take of always
driving 15 mph under the speed limit. But it is this kind of insidiousness
which I am consdtantly faced with.   I also can only cross the street in
crosswalks so that any attempt to kill me with a vehicle could not be
blamed on pedestrian error.  The only reason I am still alive is because I
persist in making my case public at every opportunity, which means the
government will not try to kill me directly, since that would verify my
claims instantly in the public's eyes.   For that reason I urge all of you
to write to the media, contact your senators, and do everything you can to
let the conspirators know  that my story has been heard, and that the eyes
of the public are upon the conspiracy.  It is only through concerted
collective action that I can remain alive and the AmeriKKKan government
which has been ruling illegitimately since a secret coup in 1947 (documented
at the Library of Congress) can be brought down and freedom restored.

-end?-