UN passes Information Super-Highway Beautification Resolution

[plaz@netcom.com (Plaz)]

In regards to Tim's Internetpol comment:

I wrote this back in april:
________________________________________________________________________________
Headline: Emergency Beautification of the InfoBahn

UN Press Conference, April 8, 1996

UN Spokesperson Lance Rotweiler announced today that the "Information
Super-Highway Beautification Resolution" had been passed in an Emergency
Session of the UN Security Council. The resolution sets decency standards
for electronic communications and grants broad powers to Interpol for
enforcement of these standards.

"There's a new sheriff in town," Rotweiler said. "It's time for
child-pornographers, perverts and cryptoanarchists to get off the net. For
too long, we have been allowing these sodomists to creep into our living
rooms and seduce our children through the information highway. It's time to
clean up."

The resolution also calls for a ban on non-escrowed cryptography for
personal communications and anonymous communications, which Rotweiler says
is often used to conceal criminal and immoral activity.

"Enforcement of the resolution has already begun," Rotweiler stated. "In
Canada this morning, a warrant was issued for the arrest of a hacker who
has blocked the removal of various usenet groups that advocate illegal and
immoral activities, such as alt.sex.bestiality and alt.sex.bondage. We do
regret that the individual chose to resist arrest and was shot under the
mistaken assumption that he was armed, but as you know these groups were
available to the average nine year old with a remote. You mess with our
kids, and you deserve what you get."

[Editors Note: The hacker, Brian Lee of Toronto Canada, was brandishing a
mini-vac commonly used for cleaning computer keyboards, while shouting
obscenities. The arresting officers mistook this appliance for a pistol and
opened fire. Brian Lee is survived by a wife and 2.5 children. See related
story "Pornography Accomplice Dies in Shoot-out"]

"New operations are planned for the newly created branch of Interpol, which
we are calling 'InfoPol'," Rotwieler continued.

When asked whether the 'InfoPol' had world-wide jurisdiction, Rotweiler
responded, "Yes, but certain holdouts in the community of nations are
refusing to accept this. Most notably, Bolivia, Belize and Western Samoa,
nations which make their stock and trade dealing with the criminal element.
We expect these nations to come around, as the resolution calls for
economic sanctions against those countries that refuse to cooperate in this
great venture."

End Note: When stepping away from the podium, Rotweiler was heard to
mumble, "This ought to get her tentacles in a knot." When asked to explain
this comment the UN spokeperson declared the press conference to be at an
end.

________________________________________________________________________________
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