Indecent Trash

[nobody@REPLAY.COM (Anonymous)]

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On 10 Jan 96 at 10:42, t byfield wrote:

> At 10:26 PM 1/9/96, Alexander 'Sasha' Chislenko wrote:
> 
> >- Landfills:  They are probably the richest source of detailed 
> >   historical information that is not obtainable from any 
> >   other source and can be used to reconstruct the detailed 
> >   history of society, economy, technology and any single 
> >   person with incredible detail.

> I ain't holding my breath until someone develops a search 
> engine for Fresh Kills.

I can see it now... about the time that Grandson of Altavista 
finally yields a URL for Jimmy Hoffa's body in some dump 
somewhere the government will have figured out that it's so 
much simpler to catalog the stuff on the way IN, when all the 
artifacts are fresh and unmixed. While we're all watching what 
the government does to intercept packets, they will be routing 
*trash* packets through mysterious "garbage routers."  

As the stink grows stronger, someone will conceive of anonymous 
trash forwarders. They will accept unidentified trash, no 
questions asked, anonymize it with random DNA and fingerprint 
whorls, and sneak it into public trash receptacles. DNA 
generators will enable the mischievous to plant fabricated 
indications that Hillary did indeed have something going with 
Vince, the late Khomeini (hey, hard is hard, right?) as well as 
legions of four-footed friends, confirming the suspicions of 
multitudes.

As the piles of trash-based data grow, some Senator from
Nebraska will sound the alarm that kids are too easily exposed
to the indecent signs of private behavior retrievable on the
Net and will propose draconian measures to hold everyone
responsible for their contributions to the city landfill. 
Public receptacles will be closed. Trash will only be collected 
from registered Identifed Surplus Providers (ISP's). $250,000 
fine for disposing of a condom in a dump accessible from the 
Internet... 10 years in prison for carelessly tossing those 
nasty Polaroids in the kitchen compactor. The trash of the world
will have to be made safe for kids to view.

Everything will be a lot easier to trace and control if the
garbage input is fully identified. Barcodes on trash bags
might do for starters. Access to the garbage system might have
to be restricted to those 18 and over. Trash collectors could
be made responsible for content, drafting them without pay into
the ranks of the trash police. People could be encouraged to
report suspicious trash, and trash-related activities like
neighbors sneaking out at night to place an innocent-looking
compactor bag down the block with someone else's trash.  

For their own protection, youngsters might be required to retain 
all their garbage until age 18 and then, in a solemn ceremony 
worthy of the true significance of coming of age, pitch it all 
(duly anonymized to prevent abuse of minor indiscretions) from 
their new position as lawful participants in the world garbage 
system, friends and well-wishers trying to applaud and hold their 
noses at the same time (try it -- if you're not careful you can 
break your own nose, but hey, that'll work, too!). Who knows? 
Maybe Heinlein's advocacy of keeping kids in a barrel and feeding 
them through a hole until age 18 will enjoy resurgence among the 
compulsively protective while the Web meanwhile will provide real 
time underground data on Heinlein's rpm rate.

Protecting the trash of youth will, however, give rise to the 
hiding of adult trash among that of the underaged. The government
will have to root out offenders and "impute" suspicious trash 
to the parents. Those with no visible source of trash will of 
course be suspect, and will have to emit innocent trash to 
cover themselves. This will give rise to the practice of "trash 
laundering," in which agents convert nasty trash to innocuous 
trash that may then be tossed into any monitored, controlled 
channels with no repercussions.

Trash laundering will become a grave offense to the 
accompaniment of government and Ad Council PSA's and free 
brochures from Pueblo, Colorado. Blatant offenders who have 
fled to foreign climes will be kidnapped, some will be tortured,
because the War Against Filth will be a moral commitment of the 
national body. Foreign governments headed by suspected trash 
traffickers will be toppled in quickie invasions, their leaders 
brought back in chains to disappear into federal dungeons. Public 
debate will center on the legalities and rationalizations of 
using the military in policing domestic trash, while agencies 
such as the FBI cry for more budget to fight the scourge that 
threatens the decency of the nation's repositories.

Control of trash will spread inevitably to control of liquid 
wastes, whereupon a terrible discovery will be made: Everyone, 
but everyone, emits unspeakable bodily products. At that point 
the government will have no choice but to reluctantly declare 
everyone an outlaw and execute the populace.

It's all as logical as what happens when you introduce division 
by zero way down at the bottom of the complex equation where it 
isn't so noticeable.

We Jurgar Din
(that will have to suffice: I do not yet live in a free country)

+"The battle, Sir, is not to the strong alone. It is to the+
+vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, Sir, we have no +
+election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now  +
+too late to retire from the contest." -Patrick Henry 1775 +


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