[UTTER NOISE] I am the very model of a modern teenage cyberpunk

[stevenw@best.com (Steven Weller)]

>From the "humor" list. Thought you might enjoy.

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Date:    Wed, 10 Apr 1996 07:35:36 -0500
From:    Randall Woodman <randallw@ADSS.ESY.COM>
Subject: Humor: Teenage Cyberpunk

I am the Very Model of a Modern Teenage Cyberpunk
   -author unknown

I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk
I rent my own apartment and it's full of electronic junk
I own a VAX, a 486, I've even got a PDP
I've finished Myst and Doom but I am stumped by Wing Commander III

I'm very well aquainted too with matters pornographical
I have a list of image sites, both overseas and national
So if you want to see a picture of that Anna Nichole Smith
I'll fire up my terminal and fetch for you a naughty GIF

I'm totally an anarchist, the government I'd like to wreck,
Though if they were to get blown up, who'd give to me my welfare cheque?
In short if you need answers that concern your electronic junk,
I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk

I know the ancient myths about RTM, Pengo and Mitnick
I 'hack' into computers and I then perform a credit check
I scare all my non-hacker friends with tales of cracker theivery
and even though I'm spouting crap they'll listen and believe in me

I've learned to spot a troll and I've seen flames about the way I spell,
I've traced badly forged cancels and seen napalm poured on AOL
I've laughed at all the newbies and their flailing cries of "You all Suck!"
I've been flamed by Carasso, with an anvil I have then been struck

I've hung around in alt.tasteless and seen war waged on rec.pets.cats
I've spent my time in talk.bizarre and used those stupid Relay Chats
In short, if you need answers that concern your electronic junk,
I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk

Well postings like "MAKE.MONEY.FAST", I am now somewhat wary at,
I have been "Global Killfiled" by the Joel Furr Commissariat,
When rosebud posts a lengthy rant 'bout Microsoft she swears is true,
I know that she is just another short lived kook without a clue

When I have learnt what progress has been made upon the Internet,
When I know something more than just a smattering of netiquette,
In short when I can have a world-wide soapbox on which I can stand
I've got no time for other things, like beer and trips to Disneyland

My life outside the Internet is very very sad you see
I cannot get my spots to fade, my social life's a tragedy,
But still if you need answers that concern your electronic junk,
I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk.

(With apologies to G&S)

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-=} Randall {=-   Editor without a clause.

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Steven Weller                      |  Weller's three steps to Greatness:
                                   |     1. See what others cannot
                                   |     2. Think what others cannot
stevenw@best.com                   |     3. Express what others cannot