Oakland School Board modifies Ebonics decision

[nobody@replay.com (Anonymous)]

Oakland, CA, Reuters -- Oakland School Board modifies Ebonics decision.

On Saturday, the Oakland School Board, meeting in emergency session, voted
to modify its controversial "Ebonics" program, which authorized Ebonics, or
"black English," as a second language for the purposes of teaching minority
children and for receiving federal funds for language programs. But the
program became the laughingstock of the nation, as critics pointed out, and
the White House was quick to announce that no funding for Ebonics programs
will be forthcoming. As President Clinton noted, "Hell, down in Arkansas we
got folks talkin' like that everyday, and we don't call it "bubbonics, "
now do we?"

Under pressure from the parents of the remaining white children, the
Oakland School Board has decided to add "white English," also known as
"Albonics," to the list of special languages. Under the proposal, Albonics
would be a valid language for teaching white children who are lacking
ghetto jive skills.

As School Superintendent Lavondala Rasheed-Washington explained, "Yez be
all we be sayin', know? Da honkies be sayin' ebonics be dissin' dem. We'z
be skaggin' and deyz be tootin' an shit. Dis be bad." (A translation into
Albonics was not available at press time.)

In related news, the Oakland School Board has completed work begun over the
Christmas school break to subtitle all school signs in Ebonics. The "Boys"
and "Girls" restrooms in all Oakland schools are now subtitled "Niggaz" and
"Bitches."