[Screed] Re: ONE MILLION CHILDREN.....

[Alan Olsen <alan@ctrl-alt-del.com>]

At 12:42 PM 1/3/97, Gary Aikens wrote:
>...and pets are lost or turn up missing every year!
>Protect your loved ones today! 

How much of each?  (I forgot...  Children and pets are interchangable.)

>Think about all the things you do to protect your loved ones. Isn't there
>one more thing you should do? 

Wrap them in aluminum foil to protect them from the bogon radiation coming
from this message?

>Child and Pet ID Kits have been around for years, but most of them haven't
>changed with the years. Traditional ID Kits allow you to compile valuable
>information about your child or pet that you can use in the event your
child or
>pet is missing. We are responding to the rapid changes in technology. We know
>that any ID Kit just isn't good enough. 

It has to be marketed on The Internet(tm)!  (With special THX-1138 SPAM
additives for that special zing!)

What new buzzword has not been exploited for the purposes of seperating the
excesivly gulible from their money?

>Our ID Kit is quite different! You supply us with up to three photos and
pertinent
>information about your child or pet and we create a SAFETYDISK. 

As brought to you in the early 80s by "Men without Clues".

>In PC or MAC
>format, SAFETYDISK is a 3 1/2" disk that contains photos and valuable
>information that could help law enforcement agencies in the search for a
missing
>child or pet. 

"I am sorry that we cannot find your lost loved one as this disk has sector
errors."

None of which require purchace of your product.  (You forgot to remind us
of all the HORRIBLE things that could happen if we do not buy your "product".)

>What makes our kit so unique is that each SAFETYDISK is actually
>pre-formatted for the World Wide Web. 

You store this "Vital Information" as HTML?!?!??

>SAFETYDISK can be put on any
>Internet server within seconds and displayed to millions and millions of
>people
>who might spot your child or pet! 

If they go to that web page.  Few, if any, web pages gets that many hits in
a short period of time.  (Or a year for that matter.)  They have a better
chance of getting spotted by paintball guns!

What you are selling is a web page substitute for a milk carton!  (Without
having that useful feature of holding milk.)  I guess you had to find some
use for that copy of Frontpage 2.0 you got for Christmas...

>For more information, visit our website at http://www.mvisibility.com/sd/

Maybe you can find someone you know and/or love...  (Or at least a pet.)
Then again, maybe not...  Or you can learn how, by sending in your children
or pets to the top address on this list, you can get 3,125 loved-ones and
pets ABSOLUTLY FREE!  (All it takes is selling your soul to the demons of
Multi-level Marketing.)

>Thanks,

But no thanks.

>Gary Aikens
>President, SafetyDisk, Inc.

and clueless spammer.

"I loved annoying people so much I bought the company!"

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