Declan as a Crime Beat Reporter

[Tim May <tcmay@got.net>]

Another way of viewing the Washington reporter problem is to view him as a
Hollywood reporter, sort of an Army Archerd character "doing lunch" at
Chasen's and The Brown Derby, not to mention doing lines at the Viper Club.

But a more accurate comparison is to crime beat reporters, those scribblers
who hang out at the Mafia watering holes and social clubs (when they're
allowed in, to spin a story in a favorable way), reporting on the turf
battles between the rival factions, and leaking out rumors of who's
planning to make a move on Vinnie Bones.

Washington is more than just a "pork barrel"...it's the world's largest and
most lavishly funded criminal enterprise, with "dons" dispensing pork to
supplicants, with new agencies intervening in private and corporate
transactions to throw roadblocks up, the better to extract tribute.

One can imagine Declan's story:

So I was like nervous as I met Donny the Arm, consigliero for the Kennedy
Family, at a dark little Irish pub in Georgetown. I could see he'd brought
some SS muscle with him, waiting out in his beamer. Nervous because I knew
what the Don's men had done to that reporter covering the Mary Jo Kopechne
accident.

So I got right to the point.

"I hear Billy the Chin is prepared to give some "consideration" to Jimmy
out in the Valley if he gets some consideration in return, something like a
5 big ones contribution to the Midnight Video Arcade program?," I asked.

"Ya heard right. Nobody said like we're no reasonable, or sumpin.' Say,
what's a good mick like you doin' talking to that wop D'Amato?," the aide
to Don Eddie said. I pressed him to return to the point about allowing
Netscape to export full-strength crypto if they make a contribution to the
President's favorite inner city program.

"Well," Donny the Arm said, "It's like this: before we tell the guys over
in Export to let his stuff out, we would, like, want some consideration." I
was puzzled, so I asked him what kind of consideration he was tallking
about.

"You wearin' a wire or sumpin'? Yo, you fall out of a tree, or sumpin'?"

My next visit that night was to a posh hunting lodge out in horse country,
home of most of the dons in the Reps Gang. Their leader, Newt the Shooter
laid it out in his own straight-shooting style.

"We're prepared to deal. If Billie the Chin signs off on the tax cuts to
our industries, and if the tobacco subsidy is restored, we're prepared to
support the Family's plan to repeal the First Amendment. It  hardly fits
with family values, anyway."

I had two more parties to get to that night, so I bid the boys a good night
and got back in my beat up car and headed off to Dupont Circle. I heard
that Sally the Schemer, doyenne of the Washington social circle, had some
juicy news on how Dotty the Crypto Chick was being placed in the Witness
Security Program.


One more day in the life of Declan McCullagh, Washington Crime Family Reporter

There's something wrong when I'm a felon under an increasing number of laws.
Only one response to the key grabbers is warranted: "Death to Tyrants!"
---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:----
Timothy C. May              | Crypto Anarchy: encryption, digital money,
tcmay@got.net  408-728-0152 | anonymous networks, digital pseudonyms, zero
W.A.S.T.E.: Corralitos, CA  | knowledge, reputations, information markets,
Higher Power: 2^1398269     | black markets, collapse of governments.
"National borders aren't even speed bumps on the information superhighway."