Declan as a Crime Beat Reporter

[lucifer Mixmaster Remailer <lucifer@dhp.com>]

> hee, hee, I hope that Declan comes up with an amusing mishmash of your
> own life. turnabout is fair play. maybe if he doesn't, someone else
> can take a stab at satirizing mr. debauched millionaire playboy
> who dabbles in cryptography theory.


An interview with cypherpunks founder Timothy C May, Jim Bell 
and various other Cypherpunks also present.
Interview conducted by Declan McCullagh


Declan: 

Tim, can you tell us how you first became interested in the use
of cryptography to preserve freedoms supposedly guaranteed by
the constitution.

Tim:

Well, I had just quit working at Intel, where I made more money than
all of you put together, when I really started to get interested 
in cryptography, At the first physical meeting, when John, Eric and I
had just founded the cypherpunks, we discussed anonymity, digital
cash and compared rifle collections.

Jim: 

Something wonderful is about to happen.

Tim:

No it isn`t, I thought of anonymous digital assasination contracts
first, now everyone calls it AP, and you get all the publicity 
(Tim reaches for his .45).

Declan:

Calm down, I`m sure it isn`t that simple.

Tim:

Yes it is, lets nuke D.C.

Dimitri:

Tim May blows small children, and is an anti semetic bigot.

Graham-John Bullers:

I think we should all send Vulis back 10 copies of this

Truthmonger:

Nuke Ottowa too.

Kent Crispin:

Nuking anywhere is just an adolescent fantasy

Vladimir Z Nuri:

I agree

Tim May:

No it isn`t, go away Kent.

Paul Bradley:

Yes indeed, nuke London as well.

Ray Arachelian:

There should be a law against this, surely it`s an infringement of privacy!

Dimitri:

Ray Arachelian is a dandruff covered censorous purebred sovok forger.

Se7en:

Lets hack their servers and erase all the kiddie porn.

Truthmonger:

I propose 3 minutes of silence for Tim McVeigh

Dimitri:

Ah, so you are trying to censor us then, Truthmonger is really Chris 
Lewis, who is also really Richard Depew.
ObTruthMongerFodder: Tim McVeigh is a murderous cocksucker

Hallam-Baker:

AP is a murder and censorship scheme.

Tim May:

I thought of this and wrote an essay on it back in `78 when most of
you were still in high school, I probably posted it once, trawl the
archives and you shall be enligtened.

Jerry K U-Ramos:

Break this, because we are so confident in the strenth of our cipher
we are giving you a week to cryptanalyse it, if you can`t, it must
be unbreakable.

Tim May:

This offer of a prize for cryptanaysis is highly suspect, I am now
placing rifles in strategic positions, lock and load.
I remember a similar offer back in `64, before most of you were born,
(mumble, mumble, mumble)...

Toto:

I`m sure the NSA have something to do with it, or is that the CIA, the 
FBI, the DEA ??? I don`t remember, but it`s some scary TLA composed 
entirely of men in long black coats.

Kent Crispin:

Lets be realistic about it, you are all obsessed with assasination.

Vladimir Z Nuri:

I agree (In a post only 3 seconds later than Kents original one, I wonder 
how that could happen? ;-)) 

Declan:

None of you understand, I have to attend dinner parties, like the one 
with Steve and Bill the other night, to get information for my articles.

Tim May:

I thought of this back in `84 too, I concluded that people should read 
what I say more carefully, and you *might* sell out in future.

Jim Bell:

Something wonderful is about to happen

Tim May:

Jim, you are killfiled for being a loon.

Declan:

Right, I`m sorry but we appear to have run out of time, we`ll have to go 
home.

Dimitri:

So you are trying to censor us then.
Declan McCullagh is a cocksucker

Tim starts packing the several dozen rifles he brought with him back into 
boxes.

Everyone gets in their cars to go home, except Tim May who brought his 
tank with him.


THE END