Copyright 1997 Pearl Publishing
d'Shauneaux and the Cowboy had been discussing the current situation for quite some time before the others woke up. They agreed that Bubba Rom Dos had set in motion a plan of action that was both foolish and dangerous, but they disagreed on whether it was the best course to take.
"You can't manipulate the CypherPunks to become pawns
in your game. Not even Bubba, illustrious posterboy for the 'Drunken
Pedophiles of America' can do that." d'Shauneaux was
angry at Bubba for sending out the re-write of Toto's insane 'Space
Aliens Hide My Drugs' version of Part III of the 'True Story of
the InterNet.'
"Bubba should have just blocked it, and waited to consult
with the rest of us before taking any action." he maintained.
"And, in the meantime, there's no telling what crazy action
he would have taken." the Cowboy replied.
"Besides, I don't think Bubba has any intention of manipulating
the CypherPunks. I'm certain that his announced intentions to
turn them into his 'unwitting shills' should guarantee that, if
nothing else.
"Then what the hell is he doing?" d'Shauneaux
demanded to know.
"He's trying to wake a sleeping giant." Jonathan
shouted from the back of the room, as he crawled out of his cot
at stretched. He grabbed his shotglass and walked over to join
the Cowboy and d'Shauneaux in their daily dog-hair ritual.
"You can't manipulate the CypherPunks, but you
can piss them off." Jonathan smiled.
"And this is supposed to be a good thing?"
d'Shauneaux asked, incredulously.
"No!" came a cry from the bathroom, where Bubba was waking up and trying to massage away the ring around his ass from falling asleep on the toilet seat for several hours. He stumbled into the room, taking three tries to finally get his robe pulled down from over his shoulders so that he was decently covered.
"Hide the booze and the children!" d'Shauneaux rose to give his fellow Bubba a hug before sitting down and pouring him a few strands of his own 'Special Reserve.'
Bubba nodded his thanks and continued.
"It's a crazy, foolish and stupid thing to do, but I see little choice. Events are moving too fast in that time period for us to waste time haggling over strategy. From this point on, immediate action is required-independent action, if need be, based on each individual's best judgment."
Another voice joined in, drowsily, "Like pissing off the
CypherPunks? What are you going to do for an encore, hit your
dick with a hammer?"
Alexis stumbled sleepily to the table, giving d'Shauneaux
a welcoming hug.
Bubba was nonplused, the hair of the dog once again renewing his
resolve to defend the plan he had set in motion.
"Certainly we are in no position to use a homicidal lunatic
to manipulate the CypherPunks to do our bidding, but that is not
a very good idea, in the first place. After the mishap with the
Trei Transponder, I think it is clear that we would be ill advised
to make any attempt to interfere too much in the events of an
era that we know precious little about.
"However," Bubba added with his patented shit-eating
grin, "I see no reason why we can't let the CypherPunks
manipulate us!"
The tattered remnants of the Magic Circle sat around the old oak table in quiet contemplation, giving careful consideration to the course of action that Bubba had suggested.
"So you're suggesting that we turn over the writing and dissemination of Part II of 'The True Story of the InterNet' to the CypherPunks." Alexis, once again, looked skeptical.
"Not quite." Jonathan interjected, thoughtfully, "I believe what Bubba is speaking about is more along the lines of forcing their hand so that they feel compelled to take on the task, in their own self interest, if for no other reason."
"What's to stop the CypherPunks from just getting pissed off and destroying the project? After all, it would take many of the CypherPunks only a short period of time to render Toto totally useless as a conduit between our era and theirs." d'Shauneaux looked to the Cowboy for a reply.
"Payback." the Cowboy said. "Payback."
Priscilla went over the checklist with the others, giving each a chance to provide feedback on the positive and negative aspects of the plan, so far. She edited it to reflect both those things that were agreed on and those unique points which one or more individuals felt were important to consider.
Positive: The aims of the Circle of Eunuchs and the CypherPunks have always run in close parallel to one another. The CypherPunks would likely see this as an opportunity to advance their own agenda under cover of the Magic Circle, with little risk to themselves.
Feedback: They could effectively destroy any chance of the members
of the Magic Circle positioning themselves to work effectively
against the Dark Allies in that era. However, this would still
be a plus, since the CypherPunks are in a position to act immediately,
whereas the Circle of Eunuchs of that era is more scattered in
small cells.
Negative: The CypherPunks might take the view that taking any part in the Part III project would be construed as approval or support of an outside agenda.
Feedback: Although this is a serious consideration, it is not
likely that the CypherPunks would pass up a chance to throw a
serious fuck into someone who has been the bane of their mailing
list for quite some time. Even the non-Taoists on the list are
Taoist non-Taoists, and would likely see the seize the opportunity
to extract a measure of revenge on the target of their anger by
using him as a tool to promote their own agenda while destroying
Toto's. Tit-for-tat.
Priscilla paused, to give everyone a chance to add their two cents worth.
"I grew up around these crazy fuckers."
All eyes turned to Jonathan. He smiled, and continued.
"No way are they going to let Toto off so easy as to just
snuff him. I bet if he showed up at a Bay area CypherPunks meeting,
would put away their heavy artillery, send out for extra beer,
and bring his sorry ass down with BB guns.
"They may make a mess and a mockery of anything remotely
connected to Toto, or they may decide to just take over the project
to push the envelope of their agenda to its max, while leaving
Toto hung out to dry."
"Back and McCrackin would certainly relish an opportunity
to set a fire or two under his sorry ass." Alexis broke
in. "He suckered them into joining his imaginary 'secret
cell' of the Circle of Eunuchs, and they will be the laughingstock
of the CypherPunks list when that comes out.
"And between them, they have enough of Toto's nasty little
secrets in their private emails back and forth to hang him from
the yardarms."
"And what about Crispin?" d'Shauneaux added.
"Working at a secret government lab and all of a sudden
the Men in Black are at his door, asking about his plans to nuke
DC with his private plane?
"I can't see Crispin passing up an opportunity to turn the
tables. Hell, he's probably on his way to Toto's house now, to
break in and send threatening emails to every world leader in
existence."
The Cowboy said, "And I'm certain that ? the Platypus wouldn't mind getting in a groin shot or two."
"For writing 'The Plot of the Platypus'?" Alexis asked. "I thought that was kind of funny."
The Cowboy shook his head, sadly, "Yes, it would be, except for one minor detail. Toto doesn't have a sense of humor!"
"What?" four voices called out in unison.
"It's true." the Cowboy maintained. "Even
those who find his posts to the list amusing don't realize that
he's not trying to be humorous, not in the least. He's a fucking
lunatic!"
"When he tells people that he was kicked out of his AIDS
support group when they found out that he didn't have AIDS, he
was just there to pick up women. True.
"When he says he wears a Stetson so he can tell his dates,
'These aren't herpes, these are saddle sores.' True."
"And what about all of those references to having sex
with his dog, Baby?" Alexis asked, and then realized
that she'd really rather not know.
"Uuhh…why don't we get back to our feedback list." Priscilla thought it was a good time to change the subject.
"No." Bubba said decisively, "For better or worse, we've set things in motion, and I think it is now just a question of how we proceed."
"Agreed." Alexis said, nodding her approval.
"Agreed." echoed the others, each taking a deep,
deep breath.
"Why did you send out the Part III with TruthMonger as the Author, instead of Toto, since he is the one most likely to be a fitting target for the wrath of the CypherPunks?"
Everyone sat waiting for Bubba to answer d'Shauneaux's question.
"I saw it as a way to increase the odds of the CypherPunks
and the Circle of Eunuchs working together, instead of at cross
purposes." Bubba replied.
"Just as Toto has been a rude, obnoxious Carpetbagger
on the CypherPunks list, he has been a wretched interloper within
the Circle of Eunuchs, as well. On the CypherPunks list he is
a forger and shit-disturber having the audacity to usurp the identities
of others for his inane babbling, and now he is attempting to
take possession of the TruthMonger multi-user persona, which is
an anathema to all decent members of the Magic Circle. Now he
is using the TruthMonger identity and combining it with his Toto
return email address."
All of the Magic Circle members looked at each other in horror.
"Fuck Toto!" they all said, in one voice.
"I think that the CypherPunks might see the value in turning the TruthMonger into a 'Distributed Persona' much like their mailing lists." Bubba continued. "And I'm certain that those in the Magic Circle who are following the list would go along with that. Since Toto has defiled the persona by attempting to identify it with himself, then that is a tool that can be used against him."
"For example," Bubba said with a smile, "Tim May, who is careful to stay within the bounds of what can be legally defended as exercising his free speech, would not have to be so particular about what he said as TruthMonger/Toto. He could say, 'I plan to Nuke DC on Friday, at 4 p.m., following the plans in my top right-hand desk drawer that give all the details and name my co-conspirators."
Jonathan jumped in, laughing, "Considering the trouble that Jim Bell got in for a smelly liquid, I can imagine what kind of armored divisions will descend on DoWell, Sask."
"Well, I think it's at least worth a shot." Alexis piped up. "Should we cut Toto out of the loop now, and just let the CypherPunks take over if they wish to?"
"No." Bubba replied. "It would not only
remove a target they are itching to shoot at, but if we leave
him in place, for now, it will give them extra incentive to act,
since I doubt that the CypherPunks are looking forward to Toto
being the main character in a tale that involves the CypherPunks,
at their expense. I am certain they realize that their story is
much better told by themselves, individually and en masse, than
by a fucking lunatic whose chief ability in the computer industry
is his talent for stealing computers from support centers for
disabled children.
"We will just leave it to the CypherPunks to set fires under
Toto's nuts until they get tired of toying with him, then they
can cut him loose and throw him to the government wolves."
"How do we proceed?" the Cowboy asked.
"We already are." Alexis said, with a grin. "Toto had to be back at the 'Home' by 6 p.m., so we are already using our control over him to release the next chapter of Part III."
"And the following chapter, as well." Bubba said, with an even wider grin, throwing up the HoloGraph in the middle of the table to show the group Toto's computer screen.
As the group watched, fascinated, Bubba locked Toto out of his keyboard and reached for the one sitting in front of him.
The small gathering of the future remnants of the Circle of Eunuchs let out a cheer as Bubba hit the email-send button after typing in…
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