Copyright 1997 Pearl Publishing
To: [email protected]
From: TruthMailer <[email protected]>
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Subject: !!! DEATH THREAT !!!
William,
I have taken the liberty of sending a death threat to someone
and
forging your name and digiture to it. (No need to thank me, I
just
like to help out.)
I don't usually take this kind of arbitrary action (unless I'm
running low on meds) but I thought drastic measures were called
for
when I came across evidence that your name is about to be sullied
and
your business endangered, due to a plot between a psychotic lunatic
and an employee of yours who is an agent for a secret organization
which has been responsible for inspiring and supporting a wide
range
of anti-technological terrorists, including the UnaBomber and
the
genius behind the PS/2.
Who are these people, you ask? (I have extremely good ears.)
Bubba Rom Dos, TruthMonger and Blanc Weber.
All card-carrying members of the Circle of Eunuchs.
I have long suspected that a series of underground manuscripts
titled
'The True Story of the InterNet' had, as their ultimate aim, the
total
destruction of MicroSoft.
Sure enough, in Part III of the series, "InfoWar," the
author, known as
TruthMonger, suggests:
~~~
"Video_World, and TV_World. Those were the titles we had
put to Part II
of 'The True Story of the InterNet.' But that was before the censorship
crisis on the CypherPunks mailing list, when we saw the sticky,
tangled
tentacles that lay at the root of the World Wide Web.
"And before Gomez began to build his Evil Empire on the cornerstone
of
WebTV."
~~~
Part II, "WebWorld & the Mythical Circle of Eunuchs,"
reveals the
role played by Blanc Weber in her subversive intentions to help
in the
destruction of MicroSoft, with the goal of promoting her own secret
technologies.
~~~
Apparently, HydroCube storage technology had been in existence
for some
time before its official announcement by BabyGates Technology.
The Kid,
as she was called, had been the daughter, lover, or employee of
the
richest man in the world, depending on which version of this era
you
believed. Her star had risen, even as Microsoft's star had begun
to
fall, mostly as a result of her development of the HydroCube,
with its
nearly infinite data-storage capacity.
…
And now, Jonathan had reason to believe that the Kid had actually
been
a member of the CypherPunks, masquerading under the pseudonym
of
Blanc Weber.
~~~
So, as you can plainly see, it is only a matter of time before
these
self-proclaimed Freeh->dumb Fighters decide to begin openly
attacking
you with slanderous truths about yourself, Gomez and the Dark
Allies,
the lady midget wrestler and the bed full of chickens, as well
as the
role of Susan Canizales as your dietary aide.
Yes, I know...you are shaking in your boots at the prospect of
these
facts coming out (complete with 4"x8" color graphics),
but there *are*
actions you can take to thwart these dire possibilities.
Fortunately, Part III is being released on the [email protected]
mailing list, under the TruthMonger multi-user persona, who has
formed
a secret alliance with the Cypherpunks' distributed persona, Anonymous.
Thus, if you act quickly, you might be able to strike first, writing
your own chapter of Part III and sending it to the Cypherpunks
list,
anonymously, copyrighting it as "TruthMonger <[email protected]>"
in order to piss in the face of the known list forger who is known
to
be responsible for many of the chapters submitted. (Then you could
sue
the bastard!)
In *your* chapter, you could give yourself any role you desired
in the
history, present and future of humankind.
My suggestion would be to beat these rapscallions to the punch
by using
the Taoist tactic of creating 'yourself' as an evil creature of
your
own design--far more diabolical than even your enemies could imagine.
The Circle of Eunuchs would then be honor-bound, as cross-matchers
(under NLP theology), to assign you a role as a secret hero in
a later
chapter, thus saving you the embarrassment of having to blow your
own
horn to keep the Universe in balance.
Sameer, president of C2Net, is reportedly under heavy medication
by his physician as the result of the stress of trying to think
of
something positive he can say about himself and his organization,
under the savage attacks against his corporation and his private
person
by these evil conspirators.
In conclusion, I would add that it is traditional to reward/torture
the masochistic, paranoid schizophrenic who supplies many of the
more
bizarre of the CoE's conspiracy theories, by adding some subtle
hint
pointing to some future event in history, based on your own inside
knowledge. (The point being to make it glaringly obvious to crazed
conspiracy theorists, but something that will make them look like
a
'lunatic' if they try pointing it out to normal people.)
An AT&T employee once made a prophetic claim in the series
to an event
which proved to be true in concept, way off-base in details, except
that
he inserted a reference to the Message ID number of the future
email
he foresaw, and then released the announcement months later with
a
Message ID that was the reverse of the foretold one...
Beware of white lipstick,
A. Fiend
(uuhhh...friend.)
Copyright "Martin Minow <[email protected]>
"Are you a man, or a Minnow?"
The wild-eyed, disheveled figure sat hunched over the keyboard of his laptop, frantically seeking meaning in the words that lay before him.
"Hello, Dimitri. How are you feeling today?"
The mad doctor furtively lowered the screen on his laptop, hiding his important work from the prying eyes of his patient.
"Hello, Igor." Dr. Dimitri Vulis, KOTM said, eyeing the patient suspiciously.
"Please, call me Igor." the Kremlin spy replied, causing Dr. Vulis to quickly search his mind and memory to recall their conversation to this point. Nothing there…
Igor Chudov eyed the evil Doctor's laptop suspiciously, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly, but enough so that Dimitri could tell exactly what he was thinking. He could even tell what the patient's next words would be, in regard to his excess use of power in the 'Home' to run his spambots.
Igor, speaking softly, then raising his voice as he leaned closer and closer to Dr. Vulis, asked, "We wouldn't be writing a letter about our good friend, SAMEER, would we?"
Dimitri jumped up in terror, clutching the laptop to his breast.
They knew! They knew about his regression into his paranoid C2Net
conspiracy theories.
Now they would punish him again, possibly even going so far as
to make him install the Windows operating system on another of
his UNIX boxes. Dimitri steeled himself for the patient's verdict.
Igor relaxed, sat down on the edge of the table, and said, casually,
"Just kidding, Dimitri. I know that you're working on
your EFF material."
Dimitri eyed Igor suspiciously, but Igor merely continued,
"Don't worry Dimitri, I am in favor of your creation of
the Electronic Forgery Foundation." He couldn't resist
adding, "Very clever of you to plant all of that evidence
pointing toward Toto as the source of the plethora of forgeries
to the CypherPunks list."
A shit-eating grin spread across Dr. Vulis' face as he realized
that, this time, he had been caught for doing something he wouldn't
be punished for. Rewarded, perhaps?
Cautiously, Dr. Vulis asked Igor, "So can I have more
medication? All of the others in treatment here are getting better
drugs than me, because they are patients being treated by doctors.
Why am I the only doctor being treated by a patient?"
"Now Dimitri," Igor shook his head, negatively, "you are exaggerating again. You know that John Young and Robert Hettinga are the only two here who are getting better drugs than you, and it is only occasionally, when they share a room, and then only in order to increase their pleasure when they engage in…uuhhh…CypherPunk activities."
Dimitri got angry, as Igor knew would result from feeding his
fantasies, "I know what you're talking about!" Dimitri
always got…uuhhh…'excited', when this subject came up.
"They're sucking each other's cocks! This place
is full of cocksuckers, and the biggest one of all is cocksucker
John <spit> Gilmore <fart>!"
Igor enjoyed getting Dimitri worked up into a lather before leaving him to continue with his openly-secret activities. As he closed and locked Dr. Vulis' door, he shouted to him, "I'll have Ray Arachelian look in on you a little later."
"Keep that murdering Armenian bastard away from me!"
Dr. Vulis screamed in terror, before becoming distracted by
a passing fly and forgetting what it was that he was so angry
about.
No matter. He would get mad about something else, instead. After
all, he was a Freedom Knight. Being an angry, aggressive activist
fighting valiantly against petty nuisances that most people just
ignore was a Freedom Knight tradition.
Dr. Vulis opened up his laptop and bent over to attend to his
important work, once again.
Dimitri checked two names off of his list. The President, and the Big Kid, BillyG.
Now that he had set up his unwitting shill, Toto…? the Lunatic,
he reminded himself…, by sending veiled threats to two of
the most powerful figures in the Freeh World, he would now begin
to close his evil, circuitous trap by turning his attention to
pissing off other world leaders, with ? the Lunatic acting as
the exposed target, once again.
He had pissed off Apple Computers, as well, by attributing the
anonymous email to BillyG to an Apple employee. Now he would divert
suspicion 'from' himself by attributing this chapter of Part III
'to' himself, so that everyone would think that it must surely
be another forgery by ? the Lunatic.
~~~
::
Anon-To: [email protected]
Subject: Salman Rushdie
Dear Saddam,
Salman Rushdie is in hiding in Bienfait, Saskatchewan, living under an assumed name after having had radical plastic surgery to disguise his appearance.
He is trying to redeem himself with Allah by building a nuclear bomb with which to nuke D.C., but he is inadequate for the task. However, do you remember Lee Harvey Oswald? If not, then surely you are aware of Timothy McVeigh…
~~~
Copyright "Anonymous <[email protected]>"
Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013,
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