And the turkey you wrote in on...

[CNN <cnn@dev.null>]

~	COOKING THE NEWS-TURKEY'S GOOSE
~	-------------------------------

[CANADIAN NUTLY NEWS: Bienfait, Saskatchewan] VIN SUPRYNOWICZ, A HUMOR
columnist known for his work for the Las Vegas Review-Journal and his
syndicated column, THE LIBERTARIAN, distributed via Mountain Media 
Syndications, had his journalascist colleagues and fellow reportwhores
rolling in the first-class aisles with a delightfully delicious
Dec. 3rd roasting, titled "All the News that Goes Our Way."

Suprynowicz, who managed to spell his unwieldy name right throughout
most of the column, wrote:
   "...in real life, how well do reporters ignore their own prejudices 
and preconceptions, when the populace starts moving en masse in the 
opposite direction from what the newshound and his social circle 
expected, predicted, or would prefer?"
...
  "Readers and viewers of the nation's most influential newspapers and
broadcasts could be forgiven if, this fall, they got the impression the
upcoming vote on Washington state's Initiative 676 was likely to be 
pretty darned important."

  "Placed on the ballot by those wishing to restrict firearms ownership
by potential victims (commonly called "gun control" advocates, though 
they never seem to call for any new "controls" on government snipers),
the measure would have mandated a statewide civilian gun-licensing 
system, trigger locks on guns (always useful when a woman is fumbling 
in her purse while being grabbed by a would-be rapist), and expensive,
mandatory government safety-training courses ... always useful in 
discouraging law-abiding racial minorities from legally carrying 
firearms."

  "Early polls showed the initiative leading, 60-to-30, with women 
favoring this new nest of red tape by an even more lopsided 80-20."

Vinegarous Vinnie prepared the targets of his barbed wit by basting
them in the juices of their own half-baked body of badly bloated
blathering which trumpeted their proclaimation of the importance 
and significance of the upcoming gun-battle.

  "With those numbers in hand, The New York Times ran an account of the
initiative on its front page Oct. 13, suggesting it would be a 
significant test of the strength of the nation's largest gun rights 
lobbying group, the National Rifle Association (NRA.)"

  "'For the gun lobby, there is no bigger battle in 1997,' wrote 
Timesman Timothy Egan."

  "Three days later, on Oct. 16, 'NBC Nightly News' anchorman Tom 
Brokaw covered the pending vote as a major watershed: 'Here in the 
state of Washington, the front lines have been drawn in the deadly 
battle over gun control. It started in the grass roots as anger 
exploded over the hundreds of children in this state killed or hurt 
by guns. It's now a full-blown political war.'"

Suprynowicz, ever ready to expose the naked truth which his peers
attempt to disguise by burying it in the glitteringly clothed
trappings of authority, pomposity and hi-tech grandstanding, shoots
holes (pardon the pun) in Broke-haw-haw's clever variation on,
"if it saves the life of a single (DRUG-DEALING, OLD ENOUGH TO
VOTE) child...", and stuffs the holes with facts, like:

  "As ever, the 'children' named in such statistics turn out to include
18-year-old drug dealers shooting each other in turf battles -- a fine
point Mr. Brokaw apparently didn't have time to explain."

Suprynowicz then turns up the heat by adding the word-logs of other
mainstream news sources to the fire.

  "In such lopsided media coverage, 'all that was missing was a slick 
TV graphic showing the NRA's coffin nailed shut,' L. Brent Bozell III 
and Tim Graham of the Northern Virginia-based Media Research Center 
wrote on the editorial page of the Nov. 21 Wall Street Journal."

  "'But something went wrong on the way to the funeral.' On election 
day 'A walloping 71 percent of Washington voters rejected the measure,'
Messrs. Bozell and Graham report."

Vinnie the Vamp sucks the blood out of the mainstream media's rosy
cheeks by pointing out how rapidly the vital juices flowed out of
the previously proclaimed 'Mother of all Gun Law Battles' once the
voters had poked it with their forks.

  "Suddenly, mysteriously, a story which editors and producers had been
gearing up to banner as a death blow to the hated NRA, "became an
afterthought on the networks the next day. ... ABC's morning and 
evening news shows gave the results only brief mention, simply stating
that the measure failed. ... The New York Times put the blame on the 
NRA's cash advantage and the gun controllers' poor strategy -- and 
buried the story on page A28."

The New York Times didn't go into any detail as to how the NRA had
managed to gain a "cash advantage" over a group of well established
opponents who had the financial support of the richest man in the
world.

Suprynowicz continues:

  "Where were the banner headlines, declaring 'Huge majority say "No 
more gun laws' in crucial test', Or 'Finally, Bill of Rights supporters
win one for the Gipper'?"

  "There were none."

Which rhymes with 'done'...
Which brings us back to the 'news-turkeys'...

  "These so-called "news" outfits have some serious soul-searching to
do when they can eagerly promote such a test vote as highly significant
so long as it appears to be going their way, but suddenly -- days later
-- shrug off the result as meaningless, when the voters' decision fails
to match their own pro-government, anti-freedom agenda.

Way to go, Vinnie. I'm sure that your mainstream pen-pals are
chuckling all the way to the bank as they spend their Thanksgiving
weekend gobbling up the rewards of providing the public with all
the news that's shit to stink.
Using their own words to expose the 'before and after' reality of
the mainstream media's shallow lack of journalistic integrity brings
new meaning to the words, "self-basting turkey."

It's nice to know that there are still a few flesh-eaters left in the
field of journalism who recognize the that cannibalism is just as
anarchistically proper as cross-species carnivorism. (And that the 
flesh of the Nutless News mainstream media tastes good to readers who
are tired of being fed the same old spoon-fed crap.)

		---------		--------

Vin Suprynowicz is the assistant editorial page editor of the Las Vegas
Review-Journal. Readers may contact him via e-mail at vin@lvrj.com. The
column is syndicated in the United States and Canada via Mountain Media
Syndications, P.O. Box 4422, Las Vegas Nev. 89127.

***

Vin Suprynowicz,   vin@lvrj.com

"If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude
greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in 
peace.
We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand
that feeds you. May your chains set lightly upon you; and may posterity
forget that ye were our countrymen."    -- Samuel Adams