oracle on feds (fwd)

[Vipul Ved Prakash <mail@vipul.net>]

 Selected-By: David Bremner <bremner@cs.mcgill.ca>

 The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
 Your question was:

 > DearOralemostwisepleasetellme...
 >
 > Look, I'm sorry to rush this, but the IRS, BATF, IRS, CIA, INS, IMF and
 > CFR agents (not to mention the black helicopters) are at my front door.
 > What should I do?

 And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

                        ENTERTAINING FEDERAL AGENTS
                           with MARTHA STEWART

 Hello, I'm Martha Stewart, welcome to my answer.  Our good friend The
 Internet Oracle is not able to answer your question right now, and so
 he has asked me to try to help.  Let's take a look at your situation,
 shall we?

 Entertaining large groups of Federal agents is always a bit of a
 challenge, especially when we're pressed for time.  Of course, it's
 always best to be prepared for visitors.  You should have a neatly
 trimmed and freshly painted entryway, with a large Welcome mat and
 perhaps some cut flowers.  A wooden rocking chair on the porch adds a
 homey touch of camouflage.

 When Federal agents are expected, I like to take a little time
 beforehand and knit a large Plywood Cozy for each window to catch some
 of the broken glass.  Don't forget to save the shards!  They can be
 dyed later and arranged into a stunning stained glass mosaic.

 For autumn, have plenty of hot mulled cider ready.  Not only is it
 healthy and aromatic, it's better than water for extinguishing fires!
 If your electricity is sabotaged, use your supply of flares in tasteful
 candle holders.

 Finally, don't be afraid to think creatively.  Although many people
 think of large-caliber bullets as merely a nuisance, they can be
 recovered and used as decorative accessories and paper weights, or
 hammered into distinctive buttons.  With a little brown paint, a smoke
 grenade can also be fashioned into a quaint pineapple arrangement!

 As always, remember to be courteous and kind, and just relax and be
 yourself.  It takes only a small extra effort to be remembered for your
 own unique style of entertaining.  Enjoy!

 You owe the Oracle a throw rug woven from yellow "Police Line" tape.

-- 
"So Beck was the hacker and Oda was the backer. The oldest and 
most troublesome relationship in the technological world." 

                            -- "Diamond Age", Neal Stephenson. 

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