*** ALERT *** / The LIST !!!

[WagonBurner ReSmoker<NA@dv.nl>]

~
	*** ALERT ***
	-------------

With the theft of Toto <toto@sk.sympatico.ca>'s computer by Canadian
Customs OffalSirs, the apparent theft of Toto's WebSite by Sympatico 
AdminiStrafers, the theft of the computer of Toto's nephew, Human
Gus-Peter, the SpaceShip Cowboy, by armed thugs fitting the description
of the Royal PainAssIn Mounted PoLice, and the theft and photocopying
of various written materials in Toto's possession, including notes on
the unfinished 'SPACE ALIENS HIDE MY DRUGS!!!' manuscript, those 
connected in any way with Toto and Human Gus-Peter should consider
themselves be on The LIST (TM).

  Those who have been following the March of Dimes legislation and
regulations, in which those who are in no danger of 'dropping their 
dime' are spreading the cheeks of the Dime Challenged and recording
their findings, are likely to already be aware that Webster's New
Collegiate Dictionary has announced that, in future editions, the
word 'list' will be defined as singular and completely capitalized,
with the plural form, 'lists,' being noted as an anachronism based
on a time in history when data and information was distributed among
a variety of locations around the globe, instead of in a single,
gigantic database.

  Although Toto is in the process of recreating, as completely as
possible, The LIST (TM) of those who have reason to fear their
inclusion on The LIST (TM) as a result of her being forced by
armed MeatSpace borderguards to 'assume the position,' it should
be noted that the Inquisitors seemed particularly interested in
material connecting Toto and his associates with a group of
BioWar Fair terrorists known to have been involved with an attack
on Boston Harbor, using an organically based toxin, and the
subsequent murder of representatives of the British Crown during
the lawful exercise of their duties.
  Anyone having any information or literature that may connect
them to those terrorists, or to any of the organizations which
they founded or joined, should immediately encrypt or destroy
that information or literature. As well, it would be wise for
everyone to avoid drawing any type of attention to themselves
by engaging in recognition or celebration of "Patriot's Day,"
which would mark them as fitting the profile of those already
known to be associated with the forementioned terrorists.

  Until Toto finishes compiling the identity-numbers of those
who may presume themselves to be on The LIST (TM) as a result
of her cavity search, anyone reading this should automatically
assume that they are on The LIST (TM).
  In fact, given the serious implications connected with being
on The LIST (TM), as evidenced by a multitude of examples of
the persecution and oppression of those on lesser Lists over
the course of history, it would be wise to assume that *YOU*
are on the list if you meet any of the conditions of the
following Profile:

	The LIST (TM) Profile
	---------------------

1. (a) Born
   (b) Stillborn
   (c) Conceived

2. (a) Breathing
   (b) Formerly breathing
   (c) Umbilical links to a breather

3. (a) Existing
   (b) Formerly existing
   (c) Glinting

[Please Note:] Receipt of any snailmail or email containg the words,
               "How To Make BIG $$$, Sitting At Home Licking Your
               Own Dick/Clit," should be taken as hard evidence that
               you are already on The LIST (TM).