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Crime Sale!
CHEVY CHASE FORD & 'CRAZY BOTMA' MERCURY
DEALERSHIPS ANNOUNCE A
GIGANTIC BLOWOUT CRIME SALE !!!
_______________________________
DUE TO A CURRENT OVERSTOCK OF CRIMINALS AND THE NEW
MAKES OF CRIME BEING PRODUCED IN OUR DC FACTORY EVERY
DAY, CHEVY CHASE AND 'CRAZY BOTMA' ARE ABLE TO OFFER YOU
*UNBELIEVABLE* *DEALS* ON A WIDE VARIETY OF BOTH NEW
AND OLDER CRIMES.
THIS MAKES IT AN OPPORTUNE TIME FOR *YOU* TO GET INTO
WHATEVER TYPE OF CRIME YOU'VE DREAMED ABOUT FOR YEARS,
BUT THOUGHT YOU COULD NEVER AFFORD TO PAY FOR.
WE'RE MOVING OLDER MODEL CRIMINALS OUT THE DOOR EVERY DAY,
AND EVEN SENDING FELONY CRIMINALS OUT THE DOOR AT AN EVER
INCREASING RATE, YET WE *STILL* CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE
DEMAND OF OUR DC FACTORY TO FIND CUSTOMERS FOR THE NEW
CRIMES BEING CREATED EVERY DAY BY THEIR SOCIAL ENGINEERS.
WE'RE SO DESPERATE THAT WE'RE WILLING TO PLEAD WITH YOU
TO ACCEPT THE BARGAINS WE ARE CURRENTLY ABLE TO OFFER.
NOT ONLY ARE WE ABLE TO GUARANTEE THAT WE CAN FIT YOU INTO
ANY OF A VARIETY OF THE WIDE SPECTRUM OF CRIMINAL CATEGORIES
CURRENTLY AVAILABLE BUT WE CAN OFFER YOU A DEAL THAT WILL
HAVE YOU BACK OUT THE DOOR IN RECORD TIME.
WHAT'S MORE, DUE TO THE CURRENTLY HIGH RECALL RATE WE ARE
EXPERIENCING AS A RESULT OF SENDING UNSAFE CRIMINALS OUT
THE DOOR, WE CAN PROMISE TO GIVE YOU AN EVEN BETTER DEAL
ON A NEW CRIME IN THE FUTURE, EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED
PAYING FOR YOUR ORIGINAL CRIME.
ONCE WE HAVE FIT YOU INTO A THIRD FELONY CRIME, YOU WILL
AUTOMATICALLY BECOME A LIFETIME CUSTOMER AND ELIGIBLE TO
MOVE FROM OUR 'EASY PAYMENT' PLAN TO OUR 'LIFETIME PAYMENT'
PLAN WHERE WE *INSIST* THAT YOU TAKE *FOREVER* TO PAY FOR
YOUR CRIME.
WITH THE EVER INCREASING ABILITY OF OUR DC FACTORY TO
PRODUCE NEW CRIMES AT AN ASTOUNDING RATE, IT HAS NEVER
BEEN EASIER TO FIT INTO OUR CUSTOMER PROFILE.
"IF THE CUSTOMER DOESN'T FIT THE CRIME,
WE'LL MAKE THE CRIME FIT THE CUSTOMER."
THAT'S A PROMISE!