Deaf Cons 5.9

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DeafCons 5.9

[WAS: Class of 1998 Home For The Criminally Insane Escapee Reunion]


[NEVER WAS: If this is the rEvolution, then why are T-shirt prices so high?]

[WILL BE: I QUIT!!!]


[WILL NEVER BE: If It Slays The Life Of A Single Ethnic Group of Children]

Return From Beyond The Valley Of The Planet Of The LAST CHAPTER
Of the LOST CHAPTER Of The BLAST CHAPTER Of The Non-Sequitor
Non-Sequential Inconsequential Boring Blase Blatherings Of:
SPACE ALIENS HIDE MY DRUGS!!!
SPACE DRUGS HIDE MY ALIENS!!!
SPACE HIDES DRUG MY ALIENS!!!
SPACE ALIENS DRUG MY HIDE!!!!
HIDE MY SPACE ALIENS DRUGS!!!
_____________________________

  Taoist Synchrinocity being what it is, the moment that I typed
in the Deaf Cons 5.9 chapter heading above, the TV-screen came alive
with the sight of a bunch of half-naked, half-drunk, wholly red-necked
guys named Bubba, BobbingForPigsFeet at the RedNeck Games, in ButtFuck,
Georgia. (Rumored to have been infiltrated, if not organized by, Circle

of Eunuchs initiate Alec McCrackin.)
  The sight of grown men (notice I refrained from using the word 'adults')
bending over head-first in large buckets of water, with their large
ButtCracks showing, with their heads suddenly emerging from the water
with a PigsFoot between their teeth, throwing it on the ground and once
again throwing their heads back into the water, again positioning their
exposed ButtCracks as their most prominent feature...
  Well, let's just say that the press coverage of the RedNeck/ButtCrack
Games was a striking confirmation of the TruthVision that came to me as
my 12-Volt AC/Bulb was lit up by the 110-Volt DC/AnalogueElectronJuice
being emitted from the CIA/Mafia Digital Implant of the PlasticBadge Security
Representative of the Plaza Hotel in Lost Wages, Nevada. MeatSpace Home
of Deaf Cons 6.0, an alleged HackersCrackersPhreaks&Geeks conference at
which no one seemed interested in acquiring a root password into the
RCMP computer system.

  The TruthVision (TM) started building when I realized that I was not,
as my original intention had been, attending the Class Of 1998 Home For
The Criminally Insane Escapee Reunion (although a lot of those attending
Deaf Cons 6.0 seemed to run with the same crowd...if you know what I mean), 
nor was I at the Young Republican's Convention, my second choice, at which
I hoped to be able to convert some of the more StraightArrow  YouthOfAmerica
into DegenerateBrainDamagedPsychoticShitDisturbers.
  The TruthVision began to Throb&Drip as I realized that the DigitalFreaks
and the EndangeredSharpHackledHackers were paying the same prices fo
DigitalrEvolutionary T-Shirts&Mugs as YoungRepublicans and LargeButtCrack
RedNecks do at their own gatherings.
  The TruthVision began to Pulsate&Squirt, beginning to run down myu leg
and into my shoes, as I my questions regarding the identities of various
individuals at the conference were met with pseudo-suspicious responses,
despite the fact that the RealSpooks (TM) attending the conference no
doubt were in possession of full computer print-outs on all of those wheo
were attending the conference, complete with color-glossies, nID #'s,
personal and credit histories, names of their dogs and their first and
current boy/girl/friend(s), etc., ad infinituum.

  The TruthVision (TM) ultimately BlewIt'sWad all over my formerly clean
JockeyShorts&LeeRiderJeans as I was being escorted out of the Plaza Hotel,
HomeOfThePennySlotMachines, by an overly-excited SecurityGuard who managed
to impress me with exceedingly serious nature of my 'crime' of having
announced the issuance of a Real&Immediate !!!BOMBTHREAT!!! against the
Plaza Hotel and the Deaf Cons 6.0 Conference, without ever managing to
explain why, if this was indeed the case, I was simply being escorted to
the door and removed from the building, instead of being charged, or held
for questioning, or somesuch, as the building was being evacuated fothe
safety of the hotel's clients and guests.
  The TruthVisionOrgasm was enhanced in a manner very similar to that
provided by the FrenchTicklers sold at TruckStops around the nation, by
the apparently inadvertant revelations of the PlasticBadgeSecurityGuard
in regard to the information shared with Plaza Hotel Security Personell
by ShadowyFiguresFromNonDescriptGovernmentAgencies about my presence at
Deaf Cons 6.0 and personal details of my SorrySordidPersonalHistory.


  In actual fact, the TruthVision Proper (TM) encompasses a lifelong
accumulation of Analogue/Digital Information/Data which coalesced as the
result of the LorenaBobbit of HotelSecurity cutting off my experience of
Deaf Cons 6.0 at the point when the DigitalCounter recording the event
stood at Deaf Cons 5.9, thus forcing myself to use my own imagination and
my F-Finger to FinishTheJob, like a RedNeckBride on her wedding night,
as Bubba gets his nut, rolls over, and goes to sleep.
  The TruthVisionCosmicOrgasm was the rough equivalent of reaching a point
of UltimateEnlightenment, although in a TimeSpaceContinuum inhabited by
Lenny Bruce, Andrew Dice Clay, Howard Stern and Johnny Wadd.

  For all of my CynicalBitching&Whining about the ReptilianNaziSchills
who have made it their life's work to BungHole the Citizenry at every
opportunity, my TruthVisionUltimateCosmicOrgasm was, in effect, the end
result of an endless parade of ReptilianNaziSchills who have crossed my
path in life, who were TrueBelievers in TheVoice which ensured them that, 
"If you ButtFuck them, they will Cum."