Just what we need...

["X" <xasper8d@lobo.net>]

I know I'm new here, so pardon the long post if you will, but this came to
my attention...

Jesse Berst says:

This is another in my occasional series about Natural Born Killers (NBKs) --
products, services or sites with the genetic potential to become a "killer
application." An NBK is not a recommendation to buy. Or even, as in the case
of Alexa, a recommendation to use a free product. An NBK nomination is a
recommendation to study a product for the good ideas it contains.
And Alexa stuffs a lot of good ideas into a small toolbar that appears at
the bottom of your browser. This toolbar links back to the company's massive
database, which archives most public Web sites. It also tracks anonymous
usage patterns, so it can analyze what people really do on the Web.
(This is handy because we really need to know what people do on the Web.
For Gosh sakes, if we didn't know what you were doing, that'd be downright
depressing!  Then how could we pigeonhole you and market to you and we all
know, the Web won't be successful without some good, clean, marketing!)
The toolbar goes along with you as you surf,
(nothing makes me more comfortable than to have a nice tracking device
stapled in my flanks)
offering site statistics and a variety of helpful tools. For instance, if
you get a File Not Found error, you can retrieve a previous version of the
page from the Alexa archive. You can see site ratings from other Alexa users
(and vote on sites yourself). You even get a direct link to a Web-based
dictionary, thesaurus and encyclopedia.
(Compromise your right to privacy and we'll give you
chump-change-virtual-trinkets!)
PC Magazine says "those with more Internet savvy will get the most out of
Alexa." I would go even further. Alexa is less valuable to mainstream
users -- it's intended audience -- than it is to Internet insiders like you.
I say that because of three things you can get from Alexa:
(1 An optional shoulder-mounted Duo-Cam(r) which simultaneously watches your
monitor and tracks retinal placement so marketers will REALLY know what
you're looking at:
2, A FREE newsletter with important messages from our sponsors who you have
indicated interest in by allowing your retina to focus on their banner ad
.gif: and
3, AnalProbe Y2k(tm) that monitors, in conjunction with the Duo-Cam(r), your
sphincter tightness when certain images are placed on your monitor.  This
device has been known to become addictive to certain members of the
Log-Cabin-Republican party and certain NOW founding members, so extended use
is recommended only with caution.  However, the data we are able to collect
has proven to be 100% accurate shit, so our sponsors feel it is a beneficial
device.)