Fw: WARRANTY CARD ON PURCHASED GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL[tm]

["Neels Kriek" <kriek@bigfoot.com>]

-----Original Message-----
From: Gernot Lachner <glachner@iafrica.com>
Newsgroups: za.humour
Date: Monday, September 14, 1998 10:57
Subject: WARRANTY CARD ON PURCHASED GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL[tm]


>
>Dear Special Interest,
>
>Congratulations on the purchase of your genuine Government Official[tm].
>
>With regular maintenance your Government Official[tm] should provide you
>with a lifetime of sweetheart deals, insider information, preferential
>legislation and other fine services.
>
>Before you begin using your product, we would appreciate it if you would
>take the time to fill out this customer service card. This information will
>not be sold to any other party, and will be used solely to aid us in better
>fulfilling your future needs in political influence.
>
>1. Which of our fine products did you buy?
>
>__ President
>__ Vice-President
>__ Minister
>__ Governor
>__ Mayor
>__ Cabinet Secretary - Commerce
>__ Cabinet Secretary - Other
>__ Other Elected Official (please specify)
>__ Other Appointed Official (please specify)
>
>2. How did you hear about your Government Official[tm]?
>Please check all that apply.
>
>__ TV ad.
>__ Magazine/newspaper ad.
>__ Shared jail cell with.
>__ Former law partner of.
>__ Unindicted co-conspirator with.
>__ Kwazulu-Natal crony of.
>__ Procured for.
>__ Related to.
>__ Recommended by lobbyist.
>__ Recommended by organized crime figure.
>__ Frequently mentioned in conspiracy theories. (On Internet.)
>__ Frequently mentioned in conspiracy theories. (Elsewhere.)
>__ Spoke at fundraiser at my temple.
>__ Solicited bribe from me.
>__ Attempted to seduce me.
>
>3. How do you expect to use your Government Official[tm]?
>    (Please check all that apply.)
>
>__ Obtain lucrative government contracts.
>__ Have my prejudices turned into law.
>__ Obtain diplomatic concessions.
>__ Obtain trade concessions.
>__ Have embargo lifted from own nation/ally.
>__ Have embargo imposed on enemy/rival nation/religious infidels.
>__ Obtain patronage job for self/spouse/mistress.
>__ Forestall military action against self/allies.
>__ Instigate military action against internal enemies/aggressors/targets
>      for  future conquest.
>__ Impede criminal/civil investigation of self/associates/spouse.
>__ Obtain pardon for self/associates/spouse.
>__ Inflict punitive legislation on class enemies/rivals/hated ethnic
>     groups.
>__ Inflict punitive regulation on business competitors/environmental
>     exploiters/capitalist pigs.
>
>4. What factors influenced your purchase?
>    (Please check all that apply.)
>
>__ Performance of currently owned model.
>__ Reputation.
>__ Price.
>__ Appearance.
>__ Party affiliation.
>__ Professed beliefs of Government Official[tm].
>__ Actual beliefs of Government Official[tm].
>__ Orders from boss/superior officer/foreign government.
>__ Blackmail.
>__ Celebrity endorsement.
>
>5. Is this product intended as a replacement for a currently owned
>    Government Official[tm]? ______
>
>If you answered "yes," please indicate your reason(s) for changing models.
>
>__ Excessive operating / maintenance costs.
>__ Needs have grown beyond capacity of current model.
>__ Defect in current model:
>__ Dead.
>__ Senile.
>__ Indicted.
>__ Convicted.
>__ Resigned in disgrace.
>__ Switched parties / beliefs.
>__ Outbribed by competing interest.
>
>Thank you for your valuable time.
>
>Always remember: in choosing a Government Official[tm] you have chosen
>the best politician that money can buy.
>
>
>credits go to someone from atj.
>--
>sciath�n leathair ~..~
>"the mortality rate amongst humans is 100%"
>
>