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The AOL Chronicles



Every time one of these AOL wars start, the AOLers claim that there are a
few intelligent people on AOL and that our shunning of them based on
statistics is unjustified. We all know what the statistics are, but I
don't think anybody has done this for Cypherpunks yet. It has been done
other places. This isn't scientific with margins of error and everything,
but it's good enough to illustrate the point.

I went through every posting originating from AOL which was sent to
Cypherpunks between July and September 16th, which is today. I classified
postings as either "clueful" or "clueless," with the latter determined by
relevance to the list, literacy, quoting, and whether it makes any sense
at all. Anything completely stupid is also classed as "clueless."
"Clueful" is anything which is even remotely relevant to the list, and
includes quoted material if a followup. 

In addition, if an AOL user sends something clueless to the list then gets
flamed, that posting and any subsequent postings in that thread by the
original author are counted as clueless unless it's an apology, at which
point it isn't counted at all. The flames of said user are counted as
defense, not as clueless. Also, if I looked at the message but couldn't
tell what the hell the author was talking about because he didn't bother
to quote, I classed the posting as clueless. 

A "*" denotes that the portion I quote is the entire message. A "+" 
denotes that there was either no quoted material in the message or that it
used the "<<>>" style. Keep in mind that messages which are original would
not have quoted material, but still have a "+". A "H" means that it
contained HTML. I removed all new lines from the quotes to make them more
compact. If the posting was large, I quoted only some parts. 

Clueless posts from AOL:

1) "At least they have TCP/IP protocols now with Win 95 ex: Hiroshima
   45, Tsjernobyl 86, Windows 95 (Please, correct my spelling if I
   misspelled Tsjernobyl)" -- [email protected] (Porker), 18 Aug 1998, (+)

2) "Ibelive by spooks he ment goverment agents not a racial slur so lay
   off." -- [email protected], 31 Aug 1998, (+*)

3) "judy -- how about let's go shopping first and then watch the show
   remotely together????" -- [email protected], 16 Jul 1998, (+)

4) "please i need some suggestions with topics for my informative speech,
   or may some infromative speeches already outlined to use it for
   refrence. thankyou." -- [email protected], 17 Jul 1998, (*+)

5) "d" -- [email protected], 18 Jul 1998, (*+)

6) "send me the book (e/mail me back" -- [email protected], 19 Jul 1998,
   (+*)

7) "Hello: My name is Enisa, I'm 13 years old. I write an online e-zine
   that for teens. We have over 150+ members. We just started a few days
   ago. We are looking for sponsors to sponsor our contests. These are
   some of the things we are able to do for you..." -- [email protected],
   20 Jul 1998, (+H)

8) "you got it?" -- [email protected], 20 Jul 1998, (+*)

9) "would love to see info re; international credit cards." --
   [email protected], 21 Jul 1998, (+*)

10) "i would be very delighted if u gave me a free download for 5.0
    realplayer.if u would send it to [email protected] and
    [email protected] we will be very honored to receive them. thankx and
    goodbye" -- [email protected], 22 Jul 1998, (+*)

11) [A bunch of asterisks and screaming] "I was recently informed from
    sorces who choose to remain annomous about a viri that uses macafe's
    update tool to detect when it is found then it modifys its code and
    forms a new strain of the virus this pattern continues although it has
    only been tested through a clone of macafees server to 100 mutations
    it looks like it could be a big problem I will inform you of any more
    information i learn about it but for now    "THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE""
    -- [email protected], 22 Jul 1998, (+*)

12) "WHY CANT I FIND ANY WHITE AMERICAN YOUTH ALBUMS ANYWHERE?" --
    [email protected], 23 Jul 1998, (+*)

13) [Subject: Pipe bombs r better] "they rule!" -- [email protected], 23
    Jul 1998, (+*)

14) "Actually, AOL, along with being an acceptable ISP with built in
    authentication of sender, has an easily used Mail interface.  (Even if
    it doesn't exactly follow the standards.)" -- [email protected], 24
    Jul 1998, (+*), in response to #12.

15) "HELLO, IS THERE ANY WAY TO GET MY HANDS ON S BOOK THAT SHOWS THE REAL
    BASEBALL PEOPLE AUTOGRAPHS AND THE FAKES SO I KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR???
    PLEASE REPLY" -- [email protected], 25 Jul 1998, (+*)

16) "I am trying to find my brother, "Allen Thomas Taylor" I am not sure
    what year he was born but I think it was l922, l923.  We have the same
    Father[...]" -- [email protected] (Christine Ernest), 26 Jul 1998,
   (+)

17) "Hey:  Who made up the term "Politically Correct"?  Not Christians and
    not Republicans. Your side did.  How does wanting a smaller
   government, less taxes, the freedom to CHOOSE to pray in schools, the
   rights of the un-born( of[...] CHOKE ON IT YOU HYPOCRITE" --
   [email protected], 27 Jul 1998, (+)

18) "do you have music vinyl stickers , if so , could i get them
    wholesale?" -- [email protected], 29 Jul 1998, (+*)

19) "I'm looking for Lynrd Skynrds Freebird  on a window sticker for my
    car.  Do you know where I can find one?" -- [email protected], 28 Jul
   1998, (+*)

20) "More!" -- [email protected], 29 Jul 1998, (+*)

21) "Can you do a 5 color process?  4x4".  Price on 500,1000,1500" --
    [email protected], 4 Aug 1998, (+*)

22) [Subject: whut up] "looking for a place to have some Band stickers
    made, can you email me a phone number so we can check out some
    prices.....thanks TIm" -- [email protected], 6 Aug 1998, (+*)

23) "Could you please send me the Anarchy Cookbook.....I really want it
    and I cant find it anywhere! Thanx for your help.. Mike Jonhson" --
    [email protected], 9 Aug 1998, (+*)

24) [Subject: .] "" (Yes, nothing.) -- [email protected], 9 Aug 1998, (+*)

25) "Come on thake it easy on the guy at least he aint on AOL or somthing
    stuped." -- [email protected], 13 Aug 1998, ()

26) [Subject: Subject: LOL. Made me look] "" (Yes, nothing.) --
    [email protected], 14 Aug 1998, (+*)

27) "about: Hello, I am trying to start a VB 32 bit code bank you can send
    any code you want to exept codes for aol addons...  . 1nce a week most
    likely on fridays I will check the hotmail account specifyed below and
    I will take all the codes and put them in a txt file and send it to
    everyone who sent a code in since I am [...] To send Codes for the ML
    Send E-mail to [email protected] In the sbject field write
    anonymous / Code topic if you don't want your E-Mail address to show
    up when I send the Codes out or else just type the topic of the code
    you are sending.. ." -- [email protected], 14 Aug 1998, (+)

28) "Because the American Justice system is screwed up royally... for
   instance - Kevin Mitnick... www.KevinMitnick.com" -- [email protected],
   17 Aug 1998, (+*)

29) "I am interested in travel between Knoxville, Tennessee  and Des
    Moines, Iowa. I would also be interested in Nashville, Tennessee and
    Des Moines, Iowa or Atlanta and Des Moines, Iowa.  Please notify me of
    specials in these markets. Thanks, Linda Tisue [email protected]" --
    [email protected], 18 Aug 1998, (+*)

30) "I am looking to distribute a product and I was wondering if you can
    tell me how to get mass e mail addresses. I look forward to hearing
    from you." -- [email protected], 19 Aug 1998, (+*)

31) "Send me info on how to make a pipe bomb. HoppyF1315" --
    [email protected] (Hoppy Head), 19 Aug 1998, (+*)

32) "I take that statement as an insult, and it really isn't true about
    all of us AOL users. [...] Actually, some of us know what real hacking
    is...[...] Anyway, try not to stereotype people so much, because, with
    the Advent of 32 bit AOL, we can actually use all of the TCP/IP
    protocols, etc..." -- [email protected], 20 Aug 1998, (+)

33) [Subject: anarchy cookbook] "Is any one home?" -- [email protected], 21
    Aug 1998, (+*)

34) "I did not say anywhere that 32 bit would fix problems of cluelessness
    - or ignorance in your case.  I said, it is a little better because we
   can now use TCP/IP protocols.  Did I ever say that the people on AOL
   were smarter because of it?  Well, let's go read over that post - - -
   nope... I didn't.  I think some people should read a little more
   carefully, or just don't read at all." -- [email protected], 22 Aug 1998,
   (+*) (As I recall, this one was in response to a set of flames which
   cited his assertion in #32.)

35) [Subject: can you help me make virses please tell me who to make one
    step by step] "I need help i want to know how to make a virses in
    c\c++ please help me." -- [email protected], 21 Aug 1998, (+*)

36) "Tell me how to get tons of free stuff!  Thank You ." --
    [email protected], 21 Aug 1998, (+*)

37) "Here we go again" -- [email protected], 22 Aug 1998, (+*)

38) [Subject: tell me] "hola and good tidings send some info on spooks
    please i will be grateful" -- [email protected], 29 Aug 1998, (+*)

39) [Subject: h] "how did u do it" -- [email protected], 7 Sep 1998, (+*)

40) " HaCkaZ OnlY Da EliTeHelLO YaLL DiS is Da MaDD AAOOLL HaCka Ima
    startin a GreWp fOR HaCs Only So In OthA WerDS yA gOttA KnOw The WAreZ
    anD HoW toO UsEr FaTe AnD AOL So MaIl Or Im Me FoR Da TeTaIls If YeR
    LeeTo K Pe@CE FrOmE The LeeTs HacKJeFFrO)" -- [email protected], 9 Sep
    1998, (+*)

41) Message quoting the above, which wasn't originally sent to the list,
    in "<< >>" style, adding only: "What the hell is this? No wonder why
    AOLers have a bad name Im going to Flame this guy" -- [email protected],
    10 Sep 1998, (+*)

42) "Preach on brother =)" -- [email protected], 15 Sep 1998, (+*), copied to
    25 other recipients, plus the list.

43) "I read that book" -- [email protected], 15 Sep 1998, (+*)

44) "All Creatures Great and Small - that one... =) I also read an Aasimov
    a while back in fifth grade - unfortunately, I can't remember even the
    name... I need to pick some of his books up again... One book I can
    remember reading since 5th grade (and every summer thereafter) is "IT"
    by Stephen King - one of his few really good books.  I have read it 8
    times since. I greatly recommend it =)" -- [email protected], 15 Sep 1998,
    (+*)

45) "We are sending you an invitation to be one of our special guests this
    year, big harry ass lawsuits are always of interest.  Bring a friend
    if you like, but I have to warn you, Liberatarians are not welcome.
    This years menu includes red meat and poptarts.  Clothing is optional.
    Sincerely, Beth" -- [email protected], 17 Jul 1998, (+*)

46) "That's why I suggest listening to I Robot by Alan Parson's Project."
    -- [email protected], 18 Jul 1998, (+*)

47) "If sombody offers you some FedGov, just say NO!" --
    [email protected], 23 Jul 1998, (), copied to 32 recipients, including
    the list.

Note the "+" ratings on the below. (Semi-)Clueful postings from AOL:

1) "It's the easy way out (and I mean DOWN and OUT)!  I mean, if we're
   simply going to change them out everytime, why bother to figure out
   which ones a going to change them out everytime, why bother to figure
   out which ones aren't evil/stupid (I mean, out of all those
   politicians, there's got to be 1 or 2! I think. ;-) )? See, if we just
   simply change politicians at every chance, then we throw the baby out
   with the bathwater, so to speak.  The simple solutions aren't always
   the best ones." -- [email protected], 17 Jul 1998, (+*)

2) "ROFLOL!  What's coincidental?  The latest tune that my band, Nobody's
   Business (in which I play bass and sing) has learned, is Cheap
   Sunglasses by ZZ Top. If it ain't coinicidence, I got a 'scarecrow' in
   my band. " -- [email protected], 18 Jul 1998, (+)

3) [Subject: Subject: Nomination of Lyndon Larouche to the UNITED NATIONS
   OF THE FRINGE] "Hey Punks, As a United Nations OF the Cyber Fringe
   Member,  I am asking for your input on giving Lyndon a nomination.  So
   far his war crimes only include[...]" -- [email protected], 20 Jul 1998,
   (+)

4) "If you would like information about tempest monitors, computers,
   printers or secure fax machines, please contact me." --
   [email protected] (Karen Azoff), 22 Jul 1998, (+)

I gave up at this point because the clueless list just kept growing. The
ratio isn't encouraging, especially since I was being generous with what
is considered a "clueful post."