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Just In Case You Missed It
>Date: Sun, 11 Sep 1994 18:33:16 -0700
>From: Bruce Baugh <[email protected]>
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Just In Case You Missed It
>>From: [email protected] (Andrew Bulhak)
>>Subject: [alt.discordia] "official" Discordian secret code
>>Date: 12 Sep 1994 01:09:02 GMT
>>Organization: best of usenet humor
>>Approved: [email protected]
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>From: [email protected] (Snorri Abrahamsen)
>Subject: "official" Discordian secret code
> In these days of NSA and Clipper and Key/Escrow and PGP and Wilkesman
>Kid Ranger Decoder Rings, it seems one of the things most on everyone's
>collective hive-like minds must be security. Security and privacy, make
> Now Discordians have always had a versatile and powerful secret code,
>one that has defied the efforts of the world's greatest spy-masters and
>crypto-fiends to crack for countless centuries (or at least since 1962 or
>so). It goes like this:
> A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
> 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
> It's a damn fine code, and whoever invented it should get a big gold
>star, lots of LDD medals, and a beefy slap on the ass for good effort and
>sheer genius. But I'm afraid that now I have some *SHOCKING NEWS*!
> I have reason to believe that the Discordian secret code has been
>_compromised_. You know, "Loose lips sink ships" and all that, right?
>(Or is it, "Loose lips sink Golden Apple Corps"? I'm never sure...).
>Well, it was worse than loose lips. It is my suspiscion that some
>traitorous Discordian actually gave the code to the NSA.
> What to do now for all your Discordian encryption needs? I mean, it
>would now be insanely dangerous (or at least not very private) to use the
>old encryption scheme.
> I therefore propose creating a new Discordian secret code, perhaps based
>on a cypher model (where each character is represented by some word),
>although other models might work really well, too. Anyway, here's a start
>to a Discordian cypher...
> A Andersianism
> B Quasimodo
> C yorba linda
> D colostomy
> E chao
> F mojo
> This is a fun scheme because the utter apparent randomness of it. Or at
>least it seems random... Anyway, it's probably not the best possible
>scheme for a Discordian Secret Code. Here's are some alternate schemes I
>had for encoding messages:
> * Implosion Method. Write message on lightbulb. Implode lightbulb.
>Recipient then reverses time continuum and grabs pre-imploded lightbulb
>from alternate timeline, reads message, and tosses back for implosion
>before anybody notices.
> Advantages: NSA Clipper plans (oddly enough) do not extend as far as
>including key/escrow chips in all time travel devices.
> Disadvantages: Useless against the Great Race of Yith.
> * St. Gulik Method. Write the message in radioactive ink on box paste
>and feed to specially trained homing cockroaches. Release the homing
>cockroaches to skitter home. Reassemble message from roach entrails.
> Advantages: Enemy cryptographers don't like touching roaches.
> Disadvantages: Kills the roaches; difficult to train them to go home.
> * O'Leary's Cow Method. Write message on paper and burn to ashes.
>Send ashes to recipient.
> Advantages: No way for enemy to decode message.
> Disadvantages: No way for recipient to decode message.
> * Formless Spawn Method. Write message on outer surface of trained
>Shoggoth in really strong permanent ink. As Shoggoth moves, message will
>be scrambled on its surface. With the proper command word, recipient can
>command shoggoth to assume original form(lessness), descrambling the
> Advantages: Message devours any enemy crytographer who tries to decode it.
> Disadvantages: No good if recipient fails sanity check.
> Any other suggestions for good encryption schemes would be welcome...
>I'm beginning to feel insecure already, as well as a little on the insane
>side (you try training a shoggoth to act as your message-pod...)
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>|[email protected] Bruce Baugh, thoroughly unaffiliated with Teleport|
>| "An' besides you IS a rabbit." "Not a 'nothing-BUT-a-rabbit', tho'." |
|"I would call him a Beastialic Sadomasochistic | [email protected] |
|Necrophile but that would be beating a dead | Disclaimer: |
|horse." -- Teriyaki (What's up Tiger Lily?) | Ignore the man |
| -- PGP 2.61 key available on request -- | behind the keyboard.|