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InfoWar 7 (Part III of 'The True Story of the InterNet')

Title: The True Story of the Internet Part II

The True Story of the InterNet
Part III


Final Frontier of the Digital Revolution

Behind the ElectroMagnetic Curtain

by TruthMonger <[email protected]>

Copyright 1997 Pearl Publishing

InfoWar Table of Contents

Crispin's Revenge

+OK 7090 octets
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Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 02:54:41 -0600
From: Kent Crispin <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Kicking Crypto Ass (Was: Kicking CypherPunk Ass)
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You should go arrest all the Cypherpunks.

They are always saying "Nuke DC", but if that was a crime we'd probably all be in jail, eh? Even us Canadians.

But they are a crypto-military organization, and some of them have guns, which would make them a paraplegic-crypto-military organization.
(At least, ? the Platypus would be.)

And they make fun of Chelsea, too.
So you maybe ought to slap them around a little, too, after you arrest them.

I'm a Cypherpunk, too, but I am a Canadian, so I'm better than them because I still live in a free country and I can export strong crypto every day, even the stuff made in the US, if I want, and they can't.

You guys are going to make the US Cypherpunks criminals some time soon anyway, when you hunt down and kill the rest of the Constitution. If you arrested the Cypherpunks now, then they couldn't help people to think and say whatever they wanted to and hide their using the Constitution where you couldn't get at it.

I think its funny that you put a guy named Freeh in charge of making sure that nobody was. You must have a good sense of humor, eh? Me, too.
I tell the US Cypherpunks that "packing a suitcase" is a misdemeanor and that "packing a concealed suitcase" is a felony.

That reminds me...when you arrest them, could you let them keep their computers in jail, so they can still post to their mailing list? I like to read their stuff, because they are smart and funny, but I want to be the Chief CypherPunks Spokesperson, and I figure I have a better chance if all the US guys are in jail, because it wouldn't be good for the Cypherpunks image if they had a guy in jail talking for them.

Hey, do you know what happened to Jim Bell? Just wondering. He made a stink so he didn't have any rights, eh?

Anyway, I am going to send this by some anonymous remailers and other routes. It's not because I think if you got mad at me for being a Cypherpunk, even if I am a Canadian one, that you would invade Canada and come get me. I don't know anything about your drug dealing, like Noriega did about Bush (just what I read on the InterNet. is that why you don't want anyone in the world to be able to say what they want?).
It's not like you ever sold _me_ anything, eh?

Anyway, since you got a good sense of humor ("Those people in Waco should have known the odds were against them in 'Reno.'") I'll tell you a funny joke you could play on the Cypherpunks before you arrest them.

A crazy guy is writing a book about them and the double-secret guys in your single-secret laboratories who belong to the Circle of Eunuchs and anyone who wants to can put a chapter in. You just send it to the Cypherpunks mailing list and someone puts it in the electronic book. (It's called "InfoWar.")

Anyway, since they are making fun of you guys in DC, then you could send in a chapter and make fun of them, too. You could even be tricky and copyright it as "Anonymous <[email protected]>" if you wanted. That would be double-funny because then they would think it was the crazy guy trying to trick them (because he's a forager) and it would really be you tricking them by not tricking them, see?

You could get even with them for making fun of Chelsea by writing a chapter where she goes to their Bay Area physical meeting and kicks all their butts. L.F. Freeh could even send in a chapter about arresting the old grouchy one on the 19th, and then really do it because of his sign.
Bubba Rom Dos was always getting in trouble for his signs, too. He's a guy in the "True Story of the InterNet."

Anyway, I got to go send this through the remailers. (I am a master of deviation.) You should see if you can guess who it is, OK? And if you do, say so on the Cypherpunks mailing list, and I'll tell you if you get it right, OK?
All the people on the list will know, but don't ask them, OK? That would be cheating. (I'm not trying to imply anything, or nothing.)

Oh, and tell L.F. Freeh that I coined a word because of him. It was a typo about him talking to Congress or somebody and I typed in the word "tesiLied." It was pretty funny, so I just left it like that.

"It's not FUD until _I_ say it's FUD!"

Copyright "Anonymous <[email protected]>"

"The Xenix Chainsaw Massacre"

"WebWorld & the Mythical Circle of Eunuchs"

"InfoWar (Part III of 'The True Story of the InterNet')