Copyright 1997 Pearl Publishing
"This has got to stop!" the crimson-faced man threw the printout on the desk of the Sex Criminal.
The Sex Criminal, as usual, just laughed and tried to make light
of the situation.
"Well, at least Lying Fuck is better than Lying Nazi Cunt."
the Sex Criminal winced as the woman Senator walked into the
room just as the words were coming out of his mouth.
The Nazi Cunt shot the Sex Criminal a stare that took the heat
out of even his easily excitable loins. The post she had in her
hand was even more to the point than the one that the Lying Fuck
had thrown on the Sex Criminal's desk.
She handed it to the Lying Fuck with a chagrined grin, saying,
"Why don't you read it first, Mr. Freeh-dumb!"
The Sex Criminal began to chuckle, but stopped quickly when the
FBI Director shot him a stare that was colder than even the Nazi
Cunt's withering look.
The Lying Fuck then turned his attention to the email that the
Nazi Cunt had received, along with a few hundred other Senators
and Congressmen shortly before the vote on the ultra-fascist Oxley
Amendment to the dictatorial SAFE bill being pushed in the House
Commerce Committee.
To: [email protected]
From: HugeCajones Remailer<[email protected]>
X-Mailer: WinSock Remailer Version ALPHA1.3B
X-Comments: -
X-Comments: "He who shits on the road, will meet flies upon
his return."
X-Comments: -
X-Comments: "GOMEZ IS COMING!"
X-Comments: -
X-Comments: This message is NOT from TruthMonster.
X-Comments: It was sent by an automated anonymous asshole under
the
X-Comments: auspices of the Electronic Forgery Foundation.
X-Comments: -
X-Comments: Note: Send any complaints about abuse of this remailer
X-Comments: to the person most concerned about your rights and
X-Comments: freedoms. (Hint: It's a "mirror" site.)
Subject: !!! DEATH THREAT !!!
You should be careful before you do foolish things like making
a death
threat because it can have really bad results.
…
People like the Constitution a lot and if you are making
a death threat
against it then it is like saying your going to kill someone else's
friend or family and everyone knows that they will kill you because
they are domestic and not a stranger. Or is it that they are
stranger
and not domesticated?
Never mind. You know what I mean.
"Damn!" the Lying Fuck swore with a vengeance, "It's the fucking nephew, again."
He began to pace the floor, angry that he had been boxed into
a corner where taking strong action in response to this post would
involve sending a swat team into an allied foreign country to
arrest a fourteen year-old kid. A cute kid, nonetheless. A cute
Christian kid.
He shook his head slowly, as if in pain, as he continued to read
the kid's continuing diatribe against encryption opponents.
Especially if you try to make it so that they cannot put aluminum
foil
hats on their thoughts and their words and their writing. Then
they
get really, really, nervous and maybe start thinking that they
have to
kill everybody because they are not safe from anybody.
You should be careful before you vote to kill the Constitution
and look
under all your chairs and stuff, just in case.
The Sex Criminal was reading the same passage, and he looked up
at the FBI Director, asking, "Isn't that a threat? Can't
we do something about that?"
He looked to the Nazi Cunt for support…
"Jesus, Bill!" the Nazi Cunt said, rolling her
eyes upward.
"You want to send the fucking Marines up to bring back
a Canadian teenager in leg-irons so that he can remind our citizens
that we have a constitution? Give it a break."
Freeh continued to read the email.
Even if you do think you can kill the Constitution and still
have all of
the people believe you are not a bad person then you should at
least
try not to let really stupid people who you work with say things
like
"I am too stupid to learn about this stuff so I am going
to let the guys
who want to make aluminum foil hats illegal and put everyone in
jail
decide how I vote to kill the Constitution."
The one those guys who always say "Nuke DC" call Swinestein
said
that and it made everyone think you are all that stupid and going
to
let people with guns who kill women and children make your votes
for you. Then even more of them say "Nuke DC" especially
when they
remember how bad the guys with the guns that you are letting vote
for
you fucked their friend (sorry but thats what they did) for making
a
stink with the IRS.
The Lying Fuck couldn't help himself-he burst out laughing, with
the Sex Criminal following close behind. He caught her frigid
stare and said, "You said it, not me…"
"…Swinestein." he half-mumbled under his breath.
"I heard that, you bastard!" the Nazi Cunt screamed, turning and stomping out of the room in a great huff.
If you take away some of the guns from people then you have
to take
away all the guns or you are in big trouble. If you take away
some of
the Constitution from people then you have to take away all of
the
Constitution or you are in big trouble.
Even if you think you took away all of the things that people
can use
to be safe and free then they will make more-like Doritos.
If you try to kill them with bullshit then they will try to
kill you
with their own brand of fertilizer. If you take away their aluminum
foil hats then they will make hats out of paper and call them
Forever Young.
The FBI Director recognized the veiled reference to the Eternity
Servers. He made a mental note to himself to begin action against
them as soon as possible. He could make it a side-project of the
agents working against the anonymous remailer operators.
That reminded him…hadn't they already killed off the Huge
Cajones Remailer? He needed to check that out, ASAP.
Killing the Constitution is a lot like killing DC-if your going
to do
it then you might as well do it right and do it all at once.
Guys with guns who want to kill Freeh-dumb know that and so do
guys with nukes who are Freeh-dumb fighters. (My uncle made up
a
new word about him-he said he "testiLied to Congress.")
"Cocksucker!" the Lying Fuck banged his fist
on the Sex Criminal's desk.
"This fucker is dead!" he screamed, beginning
to lose control, and throwing the email on the floor, stomping
on it with one foot, and then the other.
The Sex Criminal continued to read the end of the post.
Don't be a stranger,
APlayerToBeNamedLater
p.s. - If you see Declan McCullagh getting in his car and driving
like
hell away from the city then you should get in your car and do
the
same thing. You dont need to pack a suitcase because I think if
he
does that then there is already one packed.
(Thats what the guys with guns told you in your secret meetings
so
you will kill the Constitution for them isnt it?)
The Sex Criminal looked puzzled.
"How do these people get this information?" he
naively asked his head bonecrusher.
The Lying Fuck was getting tired of explaining the obvious to this fucking idiot, but he took relief in the fact that now the Line Item Veto had been passed, they could dump these liberal shills off at the next election stop and bring in an Aryan thoroughbred to make the Run for the Roses at the turn of the millennium.
"We know we're going to do it. They know we're going to
do it. The nuclear suitcase argument was Oxley's hole card, but
this fucking email took the steam out of his argument by ridiculing
it before it was even presented."
"Fucking cypherpunks!" the Lying Fuck spit the
word out, as the Sex Criminal handed him a printout of a news
article that would be appearing in print the following day.
Encryption Bill Gets Approval Of House Panel
By CHRIS DiEDOARDO San Diego Daily Transcript, Sept. 24, 1997
…
The 40-11 vote late Wednesday in the House Commerce Committee
could sound the death knell to FBI Director Louis J. Freeh's attempt
to require software companies to install a "back door"
in their security packages in order make them more accessible
to law enforcement officials.
…
"In closed session, the FBI said they don't have a problem
with encryption in foreign markets, as they have the ability to
use the military to decrypt the messages," Bilbray said,
adding the agency didn't have that capability domestically.
"God damn it!" the bonecrusher's temperature
was rising, once again. "What the fuck good is a 'closed
session' when everything we tell these dweebs gets printed before
we get out of the goddamn building.
"The press breaks the stories about our spreading bad replacement
parts into foreign weapons systems, and the next thing you know,
we have planes falling out of the fucking sky faster than we can
count. Now we have to try to keep other countries in line with
our weak encryption policy at the same time we're confirming that
we can read their fucking minds and want to keep it that way."
He shook his head in disgust, and continued reading the article.
Early reaction from within the encryption industry was mixed. While John Kelsey of Counterpane Systems in Jefferson City, Mo., thought the Markey-White package was better than the alternatives, he said there was still a long way to go.
"The best thing they could do is get rid of the export controls
and otherwise not interfere by trying to regulate this technology,"
he said. "The FBI should be pushing for all Americans to
use strong crypto, as cryptology makes crime harder."
"When you encrypt credit-card numbers, that makes it a lot
harder to commit credit card fraud," Kelsey said. "In
fact, properly designed payment protocols make it very difficult
for people to steal money from the system or frame other people."
"What happens is the law-abiding citizens are constantly
being encroached on for the convenience of us in government."
"Intuitively, it seems like a bad idea to build a large infrastructure
for eavesdropping on the American people," he said. "That's
not a decision people should make without spending a lot of time
thinking about whether we're comfortable doing that, as we'd be
building the infrastructure for a police state."
"Fucking cypherpunks!" the Lying Fuck said again, recognizing Kelsey's name.
"Fucking cypherpunks!" the Sex Criminal echoed.
The FBI Director sat silently steaming, making quick and hard
decisions as to how to proceed with his agenda of total information
control.
Time to start hitting the hardware vendors hard, again, shaking
the trees for those who would be the quickest to fold to the NSA's
plans for hardwired monitoring and back doors into all aspects
of computer systems, including encryption.
He took his pen and circled the name 'Intel' on his game plan cheat-sheet.
"Hit them hard and hit them everywhere." he said to himself.
It was long past time to bother with the pretension of friendly
discussion. He had gone past the point of no return with the announcement
of his intention to gain law enforcement access to all aspects
of corporate and private communications, the Constitution be damned,
and he was not about to turn back now. Not on your life…
Copyright "TruthMangler <[email protected]>"
"I stuck my head between her cheeks, but I didn't inhale."
~ Marv Alpert