Newbie Question

[Law Abiding Citizen <lac@dev.null>]

I'm new to encryption, having just purchased PGP. I want to abide by
the law, but I don't know who to send a copy of my secret key to.

Do I send it to the FBI guy who shot the unarmed woman, the FBI guy,
Kahoe, who ordered evidence of the FBI murder of citizens destroyed,
or to one of the other four top FBI officials who helped with the
cover-up?
Do I have to send a copy of my secret key to the CIA, as well? If so,
do I just give it to my drug dealer and have him pass it along to his
connection, or should I just give it to a Jewish person and tell them
to have the Mossad pass it along to the CIA?

Also, I like sticking large, foreign objects in my rectum. Can I legally
do that myself, with a toilet plunger, or are they restricted to only
use by LEA's in meeting the legitimate needs of law enforcement.

Insincerely,
A.L-A. Citizen