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Re: MIB Subponeas

Things to say when the subpoena comes.

1.  "My mental and or physical condition makes it impossible for me to
travel to the location stated in the subpoena."

2.  "My religious belief (or philosophy fulfilling the same role in my life
that religion fulfills in the lives of believers) prevents me from telling
the truth under compulsion.

3.  "I suffer from a recognized social/affective disorder that prevents me
from obeying government orders."

4.  "If administered an oath, I will refuse to promise to tell the truth
but will instead reserve the right to lie."

5.  "I will have left the jurisdiction prior to my proposed testimony date
so you can fuck yourselves."

6.  "I have no knowledge of anything mentioned in the subpoena." 

7.  "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as punishment for
crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within
the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."  

8.  "As a committed believer in the independent rights of jurors, I intend
to inform any Grand or Petit juries that I encounter of their right to
judge the law, the facts, and the validity of all government actions."

9.  "I do not posses any government-issued photo ID and thus cannot travel
to the location stated in the subpoena.