Re: ANNOUNCE: New Crypto Product!

[Peng-chiew Low <pclow@pc.jaring.my>]

Ed Carp wrote:
> 
> CompuScam, Inc., an unwholly-owned invention of InventiData, is pleased to
> announce its latest offering in the growingly lucrative Internet Security
> market.  Called "Secure Users Everywhere", SUE is "guaranteed privacy
> protection for citizen-units everywhere," according to Ed Carp, Chief
> Scientist, Chief Executive Officer, and Chief Everything Else for
> CompuScam.  In today's press release, Carp said that "SUE is destined to
> become the dominant market leader in a field full of inferior products."
> 
> SUE is designed to work in any environment, and provides "Fort Knox"
> security for Internet users who wish to transact business over the "net".
> "Up until now, the Internet has been totally exposed, totally wide open to
> every 12-year-old wannabe cracker with a cheap PC and a modem," said Carp,
> "but with SUE, all that has changed overnight.  Now SUE users can safely
> and securely exchange the most sensitive of documents, including credit
> card and checking account numbers, SSN, employee information, credit
> reports, gold bars - virtually anything that is of value can now be safely
> transported across the Internet."
> 
> No details were immediately available on the technical foundations of SUE,
> but Carp indicated that this is to provide enhanced security for its
> customers, adding that "you wouldn't want everyone to see your data, would
> you?  Then why would you want everyone to know about how this software
> works?"  According to CompuScam, SUE is composed of a small software "TSR"
> that is loaded into memory when a computer is first powered up, and a
> proprietary hardware device, known as a CUD ("compulsive exteriorization
> device") that provides "total security" for the software.  Carp indicated
> that the software TSR is "completely ITAR/RNG/SHA/RC4/BBS/RSA/MD5
> compliant, and meets all government standards for the very highest levels
> of cryptographic software, including FIPS-180, SESAME, and STU-III."  The
> hardware device is reportedly PRNG/RNG compliant.
> 
> Additionally, the SUE product is reportedly backwards-compatible with most
> other manufacturer's "inferior" cryptographic products, including products
> from Digital Pathworks, AT&T, VeriSign, IBM, and others.  Asked whether or
> not SUE is compatible with electronic cash offerings from First Virtual
> and others, Carp said, "Our total solution is so comprehensive, we're
> fixed problems that even the National Security Agency hasn't thought of
> yet.  We've also totally addressed the major problems that First Virtual
> brought to light last month in their press release," adding that no other
> cryptographic software maker had even responded to First Virtual's
> announcement, "let alone done anything about it.  We are acting now to
> protect our customers and children on the Internet by providing total
> coverage of the market."
> 
> Carp denied rumors that the CompuScam was nothing but a mailbox located in
> a Mailboxes Etc., branch office in Garland.  "I believe you will find that
> a reporter obtained an early press release which contained an
> typographical error in our suite number," adding that the company is
> expecting to move soon to new offices near Sun Microsystems in Palo Alto,
> adding that "the proximity to so many Silicon Valley companies will no
> doubt enhance the value of our
> stock^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hquality of our software."
> 
> When asked about the timing of the release, noting that it was only a few
> days before the company was scheduled to go public, Carp said, "this is an
> absolutely wonderful opportunity for investors to get in on the ground
> floor of this new technology" adding something about a new Porsche which
> the reporters didn't quite catch.
> 
> SUE is available for PCs running all versions of Microsoft Windows,
> Windows 95, Windows NT and MS-DOS, as well as all UNIX and UNIX-like
> platforms, and MVS.  The CUD hardware device is available in .357, .45,
> .44 Magnum, and 9MM versions.  Pricing was not immediately available.
> --

	And of course, export license has been granted to Iraq, Iran
	and the rest of the "non-hostile challenged" (?) world.
	Wonderful!