Received: from BASISinc.com (mailhost.BASISinc.com [192.135.132.51]) by orion.sk.sympatico.ca with SMTP (8.7.6/8.7.3) id LAA09213 for <[email protected]>; Thu, 21 Aug 1997 11:07:10 -0600 (CST) Received: from apache.BASISinc.com (apache [192.135.132.13]) by BASISinc.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id KAA17230; Thu, 21 Aug 1997 10:03:20 -0700 Received: by apache.BASISinc.com (5.x/SMI-SVR4) id AA01538; Thu, 21 Aug 1997 10:06:33 -0700 Date: Thu, 21 Aug 1997 10:06:33 -0700 From: [email protected] (Mike Denney) Message-Id: <[email protected]> To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] Subject: (Fwd) Microsoft - The Next Generation... X-Sun-Charset: US-ASCII ----- Begin Included Message ----- >From [email protected] Wed Aug 20 17:33 PDT 1997 X-Sender: [email protected] To: Mike Denney <[email protected]> Subject: (Fwd) Microsoft - The Next Generation... Mime-Version: 1.0 >From: [email protected] (Farzad Mansour) >Date: Wed, 20 Aug 1997 12:07:13 -0700 >X-Mailer: Z-Mail (4.0.1 13Jan97) >To: [email protected] >Subject: (Fwd) Microsoft - The Next Generation... > > > >------------------------------------------------------ > >Microsoft - The Next Generation... > >"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript. > > >Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding >a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their >command pathways?" > >Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through >our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." > >Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. > >Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is `Microsoft'?" > >Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for >some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside >their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an >unstoppable rate." > >Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their >processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" > >Data "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new version >of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially >with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. >Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will >be available for their normal operational functions." > >Picard "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable geometric >shape' idea." > >. . . 15 Minutes Later . . . > >Data "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the Borg's >command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available >resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected >`upgrade'." > >Geordi "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU >capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate >for their increase." > >Picard "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is >something we have missed." > >Data "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the `upgrade'. >Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending >in their registration cards." > >Riker "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency >escape sequence 3F ...." > >Geordi, excited "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped >to 0% !" > >Picard "Data, what do your scanners show?" > >Data, studying displays "Appearently the Borg have found the internal >`Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available CPU >capacity." > >Picard "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their >functionality." > >. . . Two Hours Pass . . . > >Riker "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?" > >Geordi "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate >for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully >increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to >transmit more `Windows' modules from something called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'. > >Picard "How much time will that buy us?" > >Data "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time >span of 6 more hours." > >Geordi "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." > >Picard "Identify." > >Data "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo..." > >Over the speakers "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP >MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS >SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 >SECONDS TO COMPLY." > >Data "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released >thousands of humanoid-shaped objects." > >Picard "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!" > >Riker "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward >the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures >of deep space?!" > >Data "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer >I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by >twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani >suits." > >Riker and Picard, together - horrified "Lawyers!!" > >Geordi "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into >the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." > >Data "True, but appearently some must have survived." > >Riker "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types >of papers." > >Data "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It often >proves fatal." > >Riker "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!" > >Picard "Turn the monitors off, Data, I can't bear to watch. Even the Borg >don't deserve such a gruesome death!" > > >Author Unknown > > > > > | ,@ __|-. ,_~o/ \/ | Through the router, off the switch, |/ | down the cable, nothing but net. / > | ' ` | The @Home slam dunk | __________________| ----- End Included Message -----