Copyright 1997 Pearl Publishing
A Player To Be Named Later glanced quickly over his shoulder,
to make certain that no one was paying any particular amount of
attention to him.
In one swift motion, he stepped sideways into the telephone booth, and began removing his clothes. Seconds later, he emerged from the telephone booth as The Real Guy.
"Turn to your left, please." the police photographer sounded bored. As soon as he had finished with the flasher, he was off-shift and headed straight for The Stone Fox nude club to watch his favorite ladies engage in legalized flashing.
The prisoner smiled as he saw the lady cop waiting to take him
downstairs for fingerprinting checking out his firmware.
"I told you I was The Real Guy." he said, as the woman looked away, blushing.
FBI Calls Privacy Extremists Elitist
(09/25/97; 4:30 p.m. EDT) By David Braun, TechWire
MONTREAL -- Extremist positions on electronic encryption are not
threatening to normal law enforcement, but they are also elitist and
non-democratic, said Alan McDonald, a senior counsel member with the
Federal Bureau of Investigation, at the International Conference on
Privacy in Montreal on Thursday.
Absolute positions on privacy were "pernicious on several levels,"
McDonald added, in an attempt to daemonize citizens who value their
privacy and resent attempts by government to build a surveillance state.
Extreme privacy positions were ultimately elitist and nondemocratic in that they
presumed the views of a knowing privacy cognoscenti should pre-empt the
views of the nation's elected officials and the Supreme Court, McDonald
said. He added that the elitist and non-democratic founding fathers had
established this cursed tradition by their misuse of the term "we the people"
and that it had taken many years to set things straight.
Extremists presumed that the citizens could not trust the elected
government and the Supreme Court to make decisions or to correct
mistakes if any are made, McDonald said. He told those present that
if the Waco investigation had shown the massacre of the Branch
Davidians to be a mistake, then the Supreme Court would have ruled
that the government must bring those killed back to life.
McDonald said efforts in the United States to enhance effective law
enforcement search and seizure capabilities had proceeded without
harming legitimate privacy concerns. He stated that anyone who
found this hard to believe could ask FBI Director, Lying Fuck Louis
Free to confirm his statement.
Notwithstanding the substantial threats posed by national and
international organized crime, drug cartels, and terrorists, the United
States had remained true to its Constitutional moorings, and its
commitment to a system of ordered liberties, McDonald said.
Handouts were given to those in attendance, showing that most of
the drug czars and terrorists were concentrated in short stretches
of Interstate highways where local law enforcement agencies were
seizing their vehicles and money at an astounding rate, given the
fact that almost all of them had gone to great lengths to disguise
themselves as ordinary, everyday citizens.
"When people don't know much about electronic surveillance, they are
fearful of it. But when they know Congress passed laws and the Supreme
Court reviewed them and that there are numerous constraints and
procedures, then it makes sense to them. It seems rational and
balanced," McDonald said.
He add that the way that the elitist, non-democratic privacy extremists
rant and rave, you would believe that law enforcement agents went
around sticking toilet plungers up their assholes, or something.
The Real Guy reviewed his changes to David Braun's TechWire article. He decided that his 'enhanced' version more clearly expressed McDonald's views in a way that the common man could understand-or, the common 'person' if they were one of those Left Coast troublemakers.
It was going to be a long and difficult task, but The Real Guy
knew that it was up to himself to bear the burden of informing
the Real World that there was, in fact, no grand conspiracy,
secret or otherwise, aimed at bringing the world totally under
the domination of the Evil One.
The biggest problem of bursting the bubble of the paranoid lunatics running around stirring up the rabble with their far-fetched allegations, was that the potential for their claims being true could be easily substantiated by the real facts, as they existed.
Thus, these troublemakers could play on the irrational fears of the sheeple in an attempt to undermine the years of effort that had gone into convincing them to trust authority and to view their government as benevolent public servants working in the best interests of the citizens who elected them.
The Real Guy decided to make a list of the issues he would have
to address in order to build a solid foundation for his non-conspiracy
He began with a series of small, local items from the alternative presses around the nation, knowing that much of the power of the world-wide conspiracy theories being proclaimed were built upon comparisons that the common man could understand.
For instance, there was an article on people who spent hundreds
of thousands of dollars campaigning for a $20,000 per year position
on the Austin Water Board. The article went on to document how
those who were elected to the Water Board were then in a position
to make decisions affecting multi-million dollar land development
projects, and how they all became filthy rich during their tenure
on the Water Board.
The Real Guy recognized this as just one of the many mean-spirited attempts to slander successful people who had spent mountains of money to gain a position where they could be of service to their community, in order to repay the community for the millions of dollars that they would be making in the future through graft and bribery.
Then there was a state project involving the four-lane highway
outside a small town in Kansas which went
well, pretty much
Tens of millions had been spent on its construction before someone pointed out that there was really no need for the road, and that it was a tremendous waste of taxpayer money, since there was really nowhere to go in that particular direction, and nobody who wanted to go there. And, just because the politicians and businessmen involved all made vast sums of money in its construction before the project was halted, the skeptics assumed that there was something more involved than an honest mistake by well-meaning people.
On a federal level, events could also be misconstrued by those
who aimed their misanthropic cynicism toward using the details
surrounding the history of the government as building blocks to
suggest nefarious secret agendas going on in the political background.
These conspiratorial FUD artists would get great mileage out of such simple coincidences as the only Catholic US President being assassinated in the heart of the Baptist bible belt; the Vice President under a President facing impeachment being removed to put in place a politician who would pardon the criminal after assuming his office; the head of the CIA accomplishing what the head of the FBI was never able to do-assume control of the nation.
The Real Guy had his work cut out for him in a variety of areas which were intertwined with one another, and which all provided fertile ground for the cynics to plant seeds of doubt as to the honesty and integrity of those who had seized control of the reins of power.
One of these areas was the media.
Certainly, once mesmerism, or hypnosis, had become a recognized method of manipulating human consciousness, it provided fodder for those who thought that people seeking power and wealth would stoop so low as to use this for private gain, at the expense of the masses. When it became commonly known that 'bad' people had developed this new mind-altering technology in the arena of 'brainwashing,' then it was only a matter of time before the naysayers would try to associate honest, free-enterprise advertising with this evil, mind-manipulation technique designed to change the orientation of people's thoughts and perceptions.
When many of the most successful advertising experts moved into the political arena, it gave the paranoid even more food for feeding their proclivity for mistrustful mental machinations.
When commercial advertising proved the tremendous financial rewards
that could be obtained by directing the public's attention in
the direction of a desired perception and opinion of a commercial
product, there were, naturally, a few bad apples who took advantage
of this mind-influencing technology to lead the public to believe
things which were not, in fact, true, with the goal of enriching
themselves at the expense of others.
Fortunately, most of the evil thieves who became rich by using the power of advertising to defraud the public used their money to better themselves, often running for public office in order to make amends for their past misconduct.
Again, the cynics would try to twist the facts to intimate that
the many thugs, thieves and other assorted criminals who rose
to prominent positions in corporate and political areas was an
indication of the perversion of democracy by powerful financial
figures who had learned to manipulate public perception via media
This view, fortunately, was put to rest when a criminal felon who had amassed a fortune in the bootlegging business during Prohibition used his ill-gotten gain to provide the American people with a President who epitomized the American dream.
The handsome, photogenic youth with the all-American family proved
the triumph of reality over spin-doctoring by being everything
that the citizens could hope for, and more, even to the point
where his royal court was given the name Camelot by the media.
As a war-hero, he atoned for his father's sin of doing business with the Nazis during the war in which he fought against them. As a man with a beautiful and dutiful wife standing beside him, at his beck and call, he atoned for the fact that he was screwing the living shit out of a variety of women ranging from movie stars to secretaries. As a man who was often photographed playing with his beautiful children, he atoned for the fact that he was sending American troops to a foreign country to kill their children.
The Real Guy reread his last paragraph, thinking that perhaps there was something a little askew with the logic in it, but since he couldn't put his finger on what it was, he decided to review it later, when his mind was fresher.
Regardless, he felt that another issue he would need to tackle in order to take the wind out of the paranoid conspiracy theorists' sails was the increasing lack of hard-core investigative journalism in the mainstream press when it came to events involving government malfeasance.
A few of the wacky weirdoes playing their conspiracy games attempted
to point to the lack of solid reporting in certain areas of major
news stories as evidence of an ongoing cover-up of nefarious activities
by people with shadowy agendas.
One example was the absence of any reporters doing serious research into the reason that a large number of law enforcement related personnel seemed to be absent from the scenes of crimes that took place in their regular workplaces, including the BATF agents at the site of the Oklahoma City bombing of the Murrah Federal Building.
Rather than being part of some grand conspiracy, The Real Guy
saw this as a simple issue of market-place economics. Media giants
realized that their readers and viewers would much rather have
reporting resources centered on matters of more interest to them,
such as researching the facts behind the death of Natalie Woods.
They would want to know who was present at the media event, who
wasn't there, what they were wearing, what everybody had to eat
and drink, who was fucking who, and what color the drapes were
on the yacht.
If the public had more interest in the presence of celebrities at the site of a celebrity death than they had in the absence of law enforcement agents in charge of preventing bombings at the bombing of their own workplace, then it was certainly not the fault of the media.
If major drug dealers would bring their planes into Florida during the Miami Dolphin football games because they knew the Customs agents would pay more attention to game instead of intercepting drug smugglers, that was not the fault of the media.
'Saving the children' was important, but not important enough to miss 'the game.'
The Real Guy knew that he would also have to address the entertainment media's movement toward providing more and more programs canonizing law enforcement agencies and officers, and paying tribute to the benefits of living in a surveillance state.
People didn't want to see pictures of darkies getting toilet plungers shoved up their ass. They wanted to see pictures of white officers calling darkies 'Sir.' before they violated their Constitutional rights and then imprisoned or shot them. The public wanted to see footage of darkies being rousted in cars with bad mufflers and imprisoned for possession of a joint-not pictures of people of all races being shaken down and having their money and possessions confiscated for possession of the same joint (after the darkie had been booked and printed).
The paranoid conspiracy theorists railed against the media's portrayal of LEA's as righteous crime fighters who killed and imprisoned only 'bad' people who were going to do terrible things to mom, her apple pie, and the flag. The Real Guy knew that the media was only trying to present a balanced picture of virtual reality for the public, since they got to see the LEA's murder men, women and children on the news, so there was no need to replicate this and their other atrocities in the field of entertainment.
The Real Guy recognized that the media's prime purpose was to
serve as the new, improved opiate of the masses. Since it was
impossible for people to live in real safety and security
in the Real World , the media was burdened with the responsibility
for assuring that they could do so in the Virtual World
of Digital Reality .
The Digital Revolution was designed as a gentler, kinder
revolution which would subtly replace Analog Reality with Digital
Reality , without the need for violence and bloodshed, except
in cases of Thought Criminals who stubbornly refused to accept
the authority of the Mind Police, acting in the legitimate interests
of Attitude Enforcement.
The Real Guy knew that if there indeed was a conspiracy between
the secret government and the media czars that one could expect
to find hard evidence, such as a TV show that represented the
FBI as an organization whose focus was to protect children from
their parents being duped or forced into making their children
vulnerable to drug-dealing, terrorist pedophiles, thus needing
concerned federal agents to 'save' their children.
Well, OK maybe that is a bad example, since that was the plot of the first episode of the C-16 TV series about an elite FBI team.
The more the Real Guy tried to find examples of LEA's being portrayed
realistically, whether local, state, federal or military, the
more it became obvious that he would be unable to prove his non-conspiracy
theory directly, since the entertainment media's portrayal of
them was so obviously one-sided.
Instead, he decided to point out the flip-side of the argument-namely, that if there indeed was a secret conspiracy linking the secret government and the mainstream media, then they would not allow the conspiracy theorists to also state their case in a subtle, subliminal manner on the airwaves of America.
that was the way to go.
Rather than trying to prove a negative, he would provide positive proof that the wild-eyed conspiracy theorists were also allowed media exposure to promote their own view of reality and virtual reality.
Well, not The Real Guy, himself, since he was not really suited
to the task, but ? the Lunatic would be more than up for the job.
He headed back for the telephone booth where he had left his clothes, taking along the aluminum foil hat that would allow ? the Lunatic to work without outside interference. It was going to be a long night, but at least he had plenty of Scotch and butts to help counterbalance any side effects that ? the Lunatic's medication might be having on him.
In an important project such as this, balance was important.