CDA II

[President <president@shithouse.gov>]

Dear CypherPunks,
  I will shortly have one of my schills introduce CDA II to Congress,
with provisions for declaring martial law on the InterNet and bombing
any country which allows terrorists to fight for freedom, liberty and
the right to privacy.
  Please be assured that our dictatorial powers will only be used to
meet the legitimate needs of Fascism.

  Our first step will be to eliminate the scourge of drug dealing the
same way we eliminated the scourge of gambling--the government will take
over the industry.
  Our second step will be to eliminate child pornography by eliminating
all the children. (It's so simple that I find it amazing that we hadn't
thought of it before.)

  Originally, all we wanted was Poland, but lately we've had so many
corporate lipstick marks on our butts that we've decided to go for the
(Netscape) gold and require all future computers to contain our newest
facistechnology, the "Slip'er A Dick" chip.

  In the past, the CypherPunks have been a pain in the ass during our
attempts to subvert the Constitution, but we are willing to forgive 
and forget.
  Accordingly, we are adding an amendment to CDA II which provides
$10,000,000 in funding for the continuation of the CypherPunks list.
The amendment will put Kent Crispin in charge of moderating the list,
and in return for this small compromise we are willing to add another
amendment which makes it legal for CypherPunks to import and export
air from their lungs. {This major concession is the result of the
efforts of the EFF on your behalf.}

  I realize that abandoning your beliefs in order to feed at the public
trough will lessen your reputation capital, so I am also willing to
institute a bonus system for those who maintain the party line. I am
certain that this will more than compensate for any loss of reputation
you may suffer by becoming beltway lackeys.
  Example: You load 16 tons. What do you get...?

Bad Billy C.